


i'll forgive you (for blue skies)

by moviekidd826



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angry Naruto, Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Drama, Eventual Smut, Everyone Is Gay, Explicit Language, He's just very soft, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm Sorry, M/M, Mainly Sasuke, Messy Naruto, Naruto is not soft, OOC Naruto, Ooc Sasuke, Other Ships Not Mentioned in Tags, Pining, Post-War, Romance, SasuNaru - Freeform, SasuNaruSasu - Freeform, Sasuke is just a huge dork, Slash, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Very very slow burn im sorry, as he should be, at least at first, for Naruto, he needs to get his shit together, i guess, sorta - Freeform, very very very soft
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-08
Updated: 2020-11-20
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:47:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 35,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26902363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moviekidd826/pseuds/moviekidd826
Summary: As he felt cold, icy numbness spread through his body, Sasuke had a sudden realization. He had achieved the impossible. Naruto had finally given up on Sasuke.
Relationships: Gaara/Uzumaki Naruto, Haruno Sakura/Yamanaka Ino, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto
Comments: 127
Kudos: 215





	1. I came back for you.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there! This is my first SNS fic ever so I'm kinda nervous??? I'm sorry if the characters seem too OOC... I've just read many angry!Sasuke and soft!Naruto fics (which I love) so I wanted to try something different. This is just a warning, if you don't like soft, gentle, pretty sane Sasuke or lost, angry, confused Naruto then this isn't the fic for you. Naruto is sorta a mess and Sasuke kinda has his shit together.
> 
> If it is, great! Thank you for giving my fic a try! I hope you like it! If anybody catches any mistakes feel free to let me know in the comments. 
> 
> There are a couple of things different from canon: Naruto isn't with Hinata, Sasuke and Naruto didn't lose their arms, etc. I'll mention them as I go along. Also, although I tagged Gaara/Naruto it is pretty minor, this is MAINLY SasuNaru. 
> 
> fic title is from For Blue Skies by Strays Don't Sleep. I think it matches these boys perfectly, especially in this fic!
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He tried to muster up as much regret as he could in his eyes, trying to plead with them at Naruto. “For you. I came back for you.”
> 
> Instantly, Naruto stopped struggling against Sakura, as Sasuke’s confession hung in the air. There was silence for a moment, until Naruto let out a grunt, spinning on his heels and walking back in the direction of the village.

**Chapter One**

There was a familiar laugh in Sasuke’s head, causing him to stir awake like it did every morning. It was loud and bright and warm, and an image of blond hair and piercing blue eyes accompanied it fleetingly.

Sasuke cracked an eye open, instantly being blinded by the morning sun. With a slight groan, he closed it again and tried to grasp onto his vanishing dream. It was always the same thing every morning; he wasn’t sure what exactly he dreamed of, but it always ended the same. It always ended with Naruto’s laugh startling him awake.

At first it had been a little unsettling. Not surprising, because Sasuke had stopped denying himself the magnitude of his feelings for Naruto long ago. How could he attempt to try when it was almost impossible? Even after leaving the village, Sasuke couldn’t _shake_ him off. Naruto had crawled under his skin without Sasuke realizing it and there was no way of getting him out.

He didn’t know if it had been the moment he moved in front of Naruto and took Haku’s attack for him, nearly killing him. Or if it had been the night they exhausted themselves practicing their chakra control, climbing up trees until they could barely stand so they had to lean against each other to walk back home.

There were many moments it could’ve happened, but truthfully, Sasuke believed it had probably been the moment he first saw Naruto. Sure, Sasuke had seen Naruto many times before, but it wasn’t until after the massacre that Sasuke had _actually seen _him. There was nobody on this planet that could begin to understand Sasuke’s pain – at least that was what he thought –until he saw the orphaned blond kid from the Ninja Academy, the one he had observed being shunned by the village. One day, sitting on the dock, Sasuke had looked over his shoulder and spotted Naruto watching him from afar, also by himself. They had been too far away to speak to each other, but words hadn’t been necessary, because through their gazes Sasuke felt a shot of mutual understanding hit him. This boy – whoever he was, whatever had happened to him – he felt Sasuke’s pain. So, perhaps, without realizing it, that was the day that Uzumaki Naruto had seeped through his veins.__

So, no, Sasuke was not surprised he was dreaming about Naruto, or more specifically, about his laugh. But it unsettled him, that even after he had chosen to leave Konoha behind to atone for his sins, chosen to part from Naruto again in an effort to let him go, his longing had _grown _, not withered. It consumed Sasuke, causing him to see Naruto wherever he went.__

In the Land of Lightning, Sasuke had stood by the sea, taking in the ocean breeze and scent and _Naruto _, because of course he could picture the blond there. It had always been impossible for Sasuke to be able to pinpoint the exact shade of Naruto’s blue eyes but as he looked at the oceanic beauty, he couldn’t stop the thought that Naruto’s eyes were still the most marvelous things he had ever seen from popping into his head.__

“Oi! Sasuke! Time to wake up, lover boy,” Suigetsu’s annoying voice sounded out, suspiciously closer to Sasuke than it should’ve been.

Opening his eyes again he was met with purple eyes and pointy teeth grinning down at him. Sasuke immediately pushed his face away, harder than necessary judging by the yelp Suigetsu let out.

Faintly, he could hear Karin snickering as Suigetsu told her off. “You’re more of an asshole this morning than usual,” Suigetsu mumbled, loud enough for Sasuke to hear.

Sasuke sat up with a sigh, rubbing his eyes with his hands and stretching his back until it cracked. He should be used to sleeping on the ground by now, considering it was what he had done for the past two years, but for some reason his body never grew accustomed.

“Oh, and why could that be?” Karin teased from where she stood, leaning against a tree and looking down at Sasuke. “Do you think it has anything to do with a certain place and a certain person nearby?”

He gave her an unamused glare and simply said, “Hn,” as Suigetsu snorted from where he was cowering behind Karin, managing to wedge himself between her and the tree. Probably figured it was best not to further poke the bear.

Jūgo appeared from behind Sasuke, seemingly returning from where he watched guard the previous night, “Leave him alone. Today is important for Sasuke.”

Sasuke’s pale cheeks reddened slightly at that but otherwise his face gave nothing else away. His team had a point; he wasn’t particularly chatty. Not that he usually was, but Sasuke was more on edge because he was going back home. He was going back home to Naruto.

He stood up, looking around the spot they had laid to rest the previous night, but found all of their belongings packed up. Jūgo gave him a reassuring smile, “We’re only a couple of hours away from Konoha, so we figured we’d have everything ready for when you woke up. No time to waste, right?”

Again, Sasuke said nothing, but nodded at Jūgo in what he hoped appeared as gratitude. He truly was grateful that his team knew him well enough to notice that he was itching to get to Konoha without him having to actually say it. Despite their teasing, they knew how anxious Sasuke was feeling.

If anything – he’d never admit it though – he was glad they were acting like their usual annoying selves. He didn’t need any more changes added to the day; what he was about to face was greater than all of his previous challenges, so their normal banter actually helped him cool down slightly.

“Alright, alright, let’s go,” Suigetsu said, clapping his hands together in front of him. “At this point even I’m excited to see the idiot Jinchūriki– Ow! What the hell, Karin?”

“Knock it off already!” she hissed as she slapped Suigetsu over his head, but her eyes danced with amusement. She turned her fire eyes to Sasuke, pushing up her glasses hastily, “Sasuke-kun, I thought I’d give you a haircut before we head out.”

Sasuke’s lips remained in a firm line as he turned the idea over his head.

Karin quickly added, almost innocently, “Only if you want to. I just thought since you haven’t let me cut it in over a year, you’d like a change of look, in case you want to impress somebody…”

Impassively, Sasuke reached out to the back of his head and ran a hand down his midback length hair.

He had grown bored of having to get his hair cut by Karin every month or so, preferring to let it grow out and tie it back in a low ponytail whenever it would get in the way.

The first time he had seen himself in the reflection of a river he had startled himself. It had been like Itachi was staring back at him, except, of course, for the rinnegan that he hid behind a bang. They had always looked extremely similar, but with matching hair Sasuke thought he could pass as Itachi’s twin. It had made him feel closer to his brother in some way.

There were still unresolved feelings about Itachi and the truth about the massacre lurking in his heart, but he still undeniably loved his brother. Part of his journey had been about rekindling his relationship with Itachi and finding peace with his decisions and how they had affected Sasuke.

Nonetheless, the thought of walking back into Konoha looking like Itachi sparked a burst of anger inside Sasuke. After everything, he still struggled with forgiving the village. He no longer blamed it and desired to destroy it – in fact, Sasuke was willing to die for Konoha, if it ever came to that – but it didn’t mean that he was okay with everything that had happened.

Two years wasn’t enough to forgive and forget.

Besides, Sasuke’s loyalty to Konoha had more to do with Naruto than the village itself, which, for once, he wasn’t afraid of admitting.

Sasuke reluctantly nodded and plopped down on a log, noting the way Karin hurriedly moved behind him, almost as if she wanted to get it over with before Sasuke changed his mind. He smirked slightly and closed his eyes, the sounds of Karin rummaging inside her bag for a pair of scissors reaching his ears. She muttered to herself in exasperation until she said, “Aha!” seemingly finding the scissors.

“How come you never offer to cut my hair?” Suigetsu asked, poking a finger against Karin’s side.

Sasuke didn’t have to open his eyes – although he did anyways – to know that Suigetsu was most likely pouting, nowadays acting more transparent about his bubbling feelings for Karin. Well, it was transparent for Sasuke and Juugo. For Karin? Not so much.

“Because you’re a pain in the ass! Can you go away now? I need to focus,” she sounded almost flustered.

Sasuke was not the only one to notice, exchanging a pointed look with Juugo from across the campfire, who seemed to be fighting an amused smile.

Suigetsu relented, sprawling on the log besides Sasuke, but waggled a finger at Karin with a mischievous smirk tugging at his lips, “Are you saying I distract you?”

Karin said nothing, but Sasuke could picture her flushed face behind him perfectly. He rolled his eyes at Suigetsu’s smug face. As Karin began to cut his hair, Sasuke raised his eyebrows at Suigetsu, gesturing to the redhead behind him, trying to tell him with his eyes _you’re a fucking moron _. But Suigetsu flashed him a sheepish, sharp grin and looked away, whistling and feigning ignorance.__

_Whatever _, it wasn’t his job to meddle in other morons’ relationships, even if said morons were his friends. When did he turn into a matchmaker anyways?__

He moved his stare to the dark locks that now resided around his feet. There was a hollowness in his chest as he took the sight in, knowing he was being extremely silly for thinking that cutting his hair was like cutting his ties with Itachi, but he couldn’t help it, it’s how he felt. He raised two shaky fingers and pressed them against his forehead, fighting the tightness that formed in his throat and the images of Itachi that flashed through his head.

When he finally dropped his hand and opened his eyes, his team was staring at him with worried expressions that quickly morphed into strained smiles, attempting to mask their true feelings.

It was Karin who spoke first, having moved to stand in front of Sasuke, pale fingers clutching at the pair of scissors pressed against her skirt covered thighs, “Don’t look so depressed. I know you detest my haircuts, but this one came out pretty well.”

Suigetsu, noting Karin’s attempt at lightning the mood, chimed in as he stood up to stand next to her, “Man, I really missed that duck butt hair of yours.”

Sasuke snorted, “Karin’s right. You really are a pain in the ass,” and almost instantly the tension was gone, everybody else letting out relieved laughs at having Sasuke snap back.

With that he stood up, nodding his head at them in a wordless signal for them to know it was time to leave. Grabbing their belongings, they headed out, Sasuke ignoring Suigetsu’s and Karin’s immediate bickering, choosing to walk ahead of them with Jūgo by his side.

Sasuke stayed silent for the next few hours; he immersed himself in his thoughts of Naruto in an attempt to convince himself that he made the right choice in coming back home.

But the second he spotted those familiar gates Sasuke’s heart skipped a beat. Fuck, he was nervous. Why? Sure, he hadn’t come back in two years and the thought of stepping foot into the place that held so many traumatic memories and nightmares for him, despite being his home (was it really, though?) was enough to make his stomach squeeze. But Sasuke knew that’s not why he was nervous. At least, it wasn’t the whole reason. No. Sasuke was nervous because of him. Because he was going to see Naruto.

The last time Sasuke had seen Naruto was after the war, when Sasuke left the village. At first, he thought it was weird that Naruto hadn’t initially joined Kakashi and Sakura to bid him farewell, but then he felt relieved. He didn’t know how he’d say goodbye to Naruto, especially after everything. Especially after he’d realized that being near Naruto was even more painful than being away from him. Having Naruto so close but knowing he couldn’t touch or hug. Couldn’t kiss.

It’d been easier to avoid facing his feelings for Naruto when he barely saw him, back when he first left the village and only faced Naruto when they came across each other the few times the idiot actually managed to find him. All Sasuke had to do was spare Naruto five minutes of his time to remind him that he wasn’t worth it and _Gods, Naruto, can’t you catch a hint?_

But it was Naruto, of course he hadn’t. Not even when Sasuke left the village to join Orochimaru and became a rogue ninja. Not even when Sasuke tried to kill him. Multiple times. Not even when Sasuke attacked the five Kages, including one of Naruto’s best friends. Not even when Sasuke tried to kill Kakashi and Sakura. Not even when Naruto almost lost an arm because of him.

Did he already mention he tried to kill Naruto multiple times?

Yet, nothing made Naruto give up. Except…

In the end, Naruto had shown up to say goodbye. Sasuke should’ve known. He felt stupid for even thinking for a second that he wouldn’t. This was Naruto he was talking about. Naruto with his sunshine hair and bright smile and dopey look and loud laugh and breathtaking eyes and unwavering loyalty. This was his one and only. Sasuke shouldn’t have doubted him for a second.

But afterwards, when Sasuke had walked away clutching his hitai-ate and with a heavy lump in his throat, he kept replaying the look in Naruto eyes. His eyes had dimmed, as if a light inside of him had gone out. Naruto had looked at him with defeat and resignation. He hadn’t even had that look during the war, not even when the odds had been so stacked against them that for a second even Sasuke thought they were going to lose.

He hadn’t pushed him to stay, but Sasuke was able to tell he wanted to. But he hadn’t, so Sasuke left, and out of all the mistakes he made in his life, Sasuke thought that that one sat at the top of his list.

Because after Sasuke had left, Naruto never looked for him. It wasn’t like Sasuke expected Naruto to chase him down his entire life. It was just that Sasuke expected Naruto to chase him down his entire life.

Again, this was Naruto. Sasuke knew him better than he knew himself. Naruto would’ve looked for him at some point, would’ve appeared next to Sasuke with no prior warning and a _hey, ready to come home? _But Naruto hadn’t done any of that. In fact, Naruto hadn’t even written to Sasuke, and that’s when he knew something was very wrong.__

After the first year of radio silence from Naruto, Sasuke had decided to write to him. After all, he’d been the one that left. Maybe Naruto figured that Sasuke wanted space. Sasuke had said he needed to atone for his sins, and he meant it. Naruto, being the selfless idiot that he was, must’ve thought this meant Sasuke needed space from his as well. It was the only logical explanation Sasuke could come up with to excuse Naruto’s absence in his life.

So, Sasuke had decided to write him a letter. It wasn’t much, just a simple check in, letting him know where he currently was. He asked about Naruto, how he was, what had he been up to, etc. He tried to hide the longing and desperation, choosing not to add _I miss you _at the end. It wasn’t something Sasuke would say anyways, even if we felt it. Instead he left it casual and quickly sent it away with his hawk before he second guessed the entire thing. He knew he’d feel better the second he got Naruto’s reply back. Except it never came.__

So, he sent another one, and another one, and another one, yet Naruto never wrote back. Sasuke lost it. Each time Naruto ignored a letter, Sasuke felt like it was his way of rejecting him. He didn’t understand why. Why then? After all the terrible things Sasuke had done, Naruto never faltered, even though he deserved it. So why then? Because he left? Had Sasuke’s leaving hurt Naruto so much that he wanted nothing more to do with him anymore? Or had sanity finally reached Naruto and he realized that Sasuke had never been worthy of his friendship? Sasuke didn’t know what to think anymore.

But after the sixty fourth letter, he’d finally gotten a reply, except it wasn’t from Naruto. He wasn’t sure who sent it. It wasn’t signed and he didn’t recognize the handwriting (which wasn’t really that surprising). But the eerie message was enough to alert Sasuke: _You need to return to Konoha. Naruto needs you _.__

In a split second, Sasuke had dropped everything and decided to come home.

So, there he was, nearing the gate with his friends by his side. It was still weird to call them his friends. When Sasuke had first created Team Taka, he didn’t see them as such. He didn’t even see them as comrades, more like subordinates. They were merely tools that would help him achieve his goals faster. But despite knowing this, his team never faltered. They never left Sasuke’s side, instead choosing to follow him everywhere, even after the war.

For some reason, Sasuke had always been cared for by people he didn’t think he would ever deserve.

“Hey, Sasuke-kun!” a familiar voice broke him away from his thoughts. Snapping his head up, Sasuke could see a pink haired figure waving frantically at him. Sakura. Surprisingly, he felt his lips quirk up slightly at the sight of her.

He’d written her to let her know he was coming home. Her reply had come the next day, letting him know she’d be waiting for him, and true to her word there she was. Her reply had also refuted his delusional belief that maybe his hawk failed at delivering all of his letters to Naruto, explaining why he never wrote back (wrong, of course).

He’d hoped she’d pass on the message to Naruto, since Sasuke had long suspected that Naruto must’ve not even opened Sasuke’s letters, therefore he wouldn’t have read the last one letting him know Sasuke was coming home. Instead, there was another blonde standing next to her, rather close if Sasuke might add, and her missing trademark ponytail made Sasuke feel uncharacteristically nostalgic.

“Sakura, Ino,” he breathed out curtly, now standing in front of his old friends. Well, Sakura was a friend, sort of. He still wasn’t exactly sure where they stood.

Sakura rolled her eyes and in a second engulfed Sasuke in a quick hug. When she stepped away, Sasuke didn’t miss Ino’s narrowing eyes.

“Two years away and that’s all I get? You’re ridiculous,” Sakura teased lightly, grinning at Sasuke. She looked genuinely happy to see him and Sasuke was glad. It helped settle his nerves.

Behind him, somebody cleared their throat. Without turning around, Sasuke rolled his eyes and said, “I’m sure you guys remember Suigetsu, Karin and Jūgo.”

Ino lifted an eyebrow and said dryly, “How could we forget?”

Jūgo regarded them with a nod while Karin and Sakura exchanged respectful smiles. Suigetsu, on the other hand, practically shoved Sasuke to the side to stand in front of Sakura and Ino.

He seized up both of them before turning his attention only to Ino, reaching for her hand and pressing a sharp kiss to the back of it, “I don’t think we got to know each other last time. Ino, right?”

Before Ino could react, Suigetsu was roughly pulled away by his ear, Karin screaming and cursing into it.

Sasuke and Jūgo both groaned as Karin dragged Suigetsu to the side, with Sasuke muttering, “Suigetsu, you’re always such a _fucking moron _.”__

Suigetsu’s cries of pain echoed around them as they all seemed to mutually decide to ignore them. Ino was stifling a laugh while Sakura scowled with her hands on her hips, “I’m offended he didn’t even deem me worthy enough to be hit on!”

“Like Sasuke said, he’s a fucking moron,” Ino scoffed, like it was the most obvious fact in the world.

A splash of pink colored Sakura’s cheeks, but she shrugged in an effort to act indifferent. Ino simply grinned and pinched the side of Sakura’s wrist in an evidently flirty manner.

Sasuke blinked at the scene that unfolded before his very own eyes. They used to be his two biggest fangirls and now they were…?

Never mind that. There were more important things to discuss than the new surprising couple, at least to Sasuke there was.

“Where’s Naruto?” he quickly asked, trying not to show his hurt at the blond’s absence. He must’ve failed, because Ino snorted.

“Oh, you were right. He has it so bad for-” Ino started, but then let out a yelp as Sakura elbowed her in the stomach.

“Shut it, Ino pig!” Sakura hissed, but Sasuke noted there was no real anger in her voice. In fact, Sakura sounded almost fond, nothing like the way it used to drip with contempt when they were younger. He couldn’t believe how much he missed out on of these past two years.

Ino quickly recovered though, letting out an annoyed sigh and giving Sasuke a bored look before turning to gaze and pick at her nails. He returned his attention back to Sakura, who looked sheepish.

She scratched her elbow idly, “I’m sorry, Sasuke-kun. I told him you were coming back today, but he said he was busy…” she trailed off guiltily. Sakura had never been a good liar, and Sasuke was relieved to see that much hadn’t changed. He was sure Naruto must’ve said he wasn’t interested in seeing Sasuke, just maybe not in such kind words.

Sasuke shrugged mournfully, but spoke in a cool, unaffected voice, “Can’t imagine the deadlast being too busy doing anything but stuffing his face with ramen.” He tried to muster a small smirk to match his tone, but it felt lopsided. “How’s Kakashi?” he tried to shift the conversation’s topic away from Naruto.

It would’ve worked, except Sasuke felt a bolt of electricity shoot through his body as a familiar surge of chakra hummed nearby, making the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end. It was like the chakra materialized out of nowhere, and a beat later there was a sudden noise to their right side that snapped their attention. When they all looked, they saw a blond figure jumping down from the trees and landing gracefully on his feet. He quickly shrugged off leaves from his shoulders, walking towards them with his gaze pinned solely on Sasuke.

His heart stopped.

It was Naruto.

After two long years with no contact, Naruto was finally here in front of him. Sasuke couldn’t believe how good he looked. His hair was the longest Sasuke had ever seen it, spikier and messier, sticking out in all directions, a bunch of strands falling onto his forehead and shielding the leaf village symbol of his hitai-ate. He almost resembled Minato, without the bangs at the sides of his face. You’d think it made him look younger, but if anything, it made him look older and rougher, somewhat more mature. He seemed to have finally grown into himself, as Sasuke couldn’t help but note the muscles straining his new choice of clothing: a black uniform jacket with an orange zipper and buttons on the waist and sleeves, a red armband with the Uzumaki crest on his left arm, orange pants and sandals.

Naruto looked like a man.

Sasuke couldn’t help it. A sly grin tugged at the corner of his lips as he was engulfed by all of his feelings for Naruto, like he always had been whenever he was around the blond. If Sasuke wasn’t so starstruck he would’ve noticed the undeniable fury in Naruto’s eyes. It completely radiated off of his body, but Sasuke was too caught up in the fact that he was finally seeing Naruto to detect it.

Before he could open his mouth to say anything, Naruto punched him square in the jaw, sending Sasuke flying backwards into the trees and landing with a loud thud.

Ino and Sakura gasped loudly, as Suigetsu scrambled out of Karin’s hold to run with Juugo towards Sasuke.

“Naruto, what is the matter with you?!” Sakura screamed, aiming a punch at Naruto, but failing as he quickly dodged it.

At least he had the decency to look apologetically at her. “I’m sorry, Sakura-chan, but this has nothing to do with you.” With that, he turned to look back at Sasuke, who was too stunned to lift himself off the ground. Jūgo and Suigetsu seemed to realize this, quickly reaching out to help him up.

Once he got to his feet, he spat blood on the floor and dragged the back of his hand across his mouth. With a busted lip, he smirked, ignoring the pain it shot through his body, “Nice to see you too!”

He knew it’d make Naruto angrier to see him act nonchalantly and it worked, judging by the way Sakura was now holding Naruto back from rushing towards him. Sasuke was fuming as well. What on earth did he do to deserve such wrath from Naruto? Last time they saw each other they parted on good terms, or so Sasuke thought.

“Why’d you fucking come back, huh? Did you get bored and decide to destroy Konoha after all? Or are you back on your whole revolution bullshit?” Naruto yelled, voice cracking and face red with anger, still trying to shove past Sakura. His jabs didn’t hold back, managing to make Sasuke wince internally.

Everybody looked at him horrified, especially Sakura. Sasuke remained passive though, feeling his previous anger evaporate. Despite Naruto’s anger, Sasuke could see hurt in his eyes. He had hurt Naruto, again.

Sasuke pushed himself away from Jūgo and Suigetsu and took a step towards Naruto, although still a few feet away from him.

He tried to muster up as much regret as he could in his eyes, trying to plead with them at Naruto. “For you. I came back for you.”

Instantly, Naruto stopped struggling against Sakura, as Sasuke’s confession hung in the air. There was silence for a moment, until Naruto let out a grunt, spinning on his heels and walking back in the direction of the village.

Sasuke could feel his entire body shaking, not knowing what to do next. Behind him, Jūgo and Suigetsu shared a confused but pained expression with Karin. Ino reached out to grasp Sakura’s hand to comfort her, as Sakura seemed to contain her tears.

Deciding to follow him, Sasuke started walking after Naruto, but was stopped dead in his tracks by Naruto doing the same.

He stood there, looking at Naruto’s unmoving back, until he looked over his shoulder at Sasuke with hard, cold eyes. “There’s nothing here for you anymore, Sasuke. You shouldn’t have come back,” he said, voice void of emotion.

With that, he turned away from Sasuke and continued on walking, disappearing inside the village.

Sasuke stood frozen in place, looking at Naruto’s disappearing figure. _Anymore _, he said. Naruto said there wasn’t anything anymore. Had there been at some point? Did he mean…?__

As he felt cold, icy numbness spread through his body, Sasuke had a sudden realization. He had achieved the impossible. Naruto had finally given up on Sasuke.


	2. Guess he does like boys.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Only a fighter could have a soulmate and Sasuke was ready to fight like hell for his.
> 
> It was his turn to be brave for Naruto.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank u so much for the comments so far!! even a simple ":)" or "good job" makes me extremely happy so thanks so much!! 
> 
> this will be a pretty long fic, i'm still not sure how long but I know it'll be at least 15 chapters?? maybe?? the boys have A LOT to work through as you'll see in the next few chapters. 
> 
> also, there will be loads of interactions with the female characters because i love all of them sm and will forever be bitter that Kishimoto did them so dirty and barely developed them (except Sakura, but, not really...). 
> 
> anyways, enjoy!!
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

**Chapter Two**

To say Sasuke was heartbroken was an understatement. He didn’t want to show it, but he couldn’t help it. He knew his entire face screamed agony, and not just because Naruto had punched the life out of him.

Seriously, Sasuke didn’t think Naruto had even punched him that hard during their fight at the Valley of the End. Back then, Naruto’s punches had felt like they were trying to communicate with him. Like they were pleading, _please stop, just come home, I don’t want to kill you_. Sasuke had practically muted him completely.

This time, Sasuke was sure Naruto had no intentions of communicating anything but _fuck you_ to him.

Sasuke could’ve fought back. In fact, he could’ve blocked Naruto’s punch before it even made contact with his face, but he’d been so distracted by Naruto’s presence that he hadn’t even seen it coming. Great, now Sasuke had a weakness. He was starting to understand why his twelve-year-old self had been so against bonds.

“… And I guess I knew Naruto was really upset with you. Every time I mentioned you he would get this weird, closed up look on his face that I’d never seen on Naruto before, and whenever I asked him about it he’d just say _it’s nothing, Sakura-chan_ in that Naruto way of his, and can you really blame him, I mean how many times can you walk out on a person before they’ve had enough, and hey, are you even listening to me?!” Sasuke could distinctly hear Sakura’s ramble as she healed his face, but the slap across his head definitely made him pay attention to her.

“Don’t even waste your time, babe. When has he ever admitted his wrongs?” Ino drawled from where she sat on the couch in hers and Sakura’s living room. Oh yeah, so they were dating. Not that it hadn’t surprised him after witnessing their exchange at the north gates a few hours before but seeing that they _lived_ together had shocked him. They were clearly very serious about each other.

He looked back on their rivalry and constant fights (mainly over him), feeling a tad confused about the entire thing, but then he remembered how he fell for Naruto and thought it was best not to say anything. If anybody understood Sakura and Ino’s love, it was Sasuke.

“Look, I get it, okay?” Sasuke snapped, softly pushing Sakura’s hands away from his face. He had enough of her healing; he could live with a bruise and split lip. Sakura frowned, but didn’t try to fight him on it. “I messed up. I hurt Naruto. That’s why I’m here.”

“That’s the problem, you idiot! You’re about two years too late!”

Sasuke glared at Ino, trying to intimidate her into silence, but Ino simply stuck her tongue out at him. He couldn’t believe what he was thinking but, in that moment, he decided that he definitely liked her more when she was fawning over him. At least then she didn’t try to purposefully annoy him like she was doing now.

“Ino is right, Sasuke. What took you so long?” Sakura sighed, standing up and leaving Sasuke alone at the dining table. She walked over to the kitchen to get Sasuke a glass of water.

Sasuke gritted his teeth. Did they think it was that simple?

“I didn’t know he’d want me here,” Sasuke said defensively, slightly embarrassed.

At that, Ino let out a loud laugh, nothing like Naruto’s. Hers was a mixture of cackles and snorts, and it instantly annoyed Sasuke. “Wow, you’re really lucky you’re pretty, because that seems to be the only thing you got going for you.”

“Now I know why they call you Ino pig,” he muttered under his breath, but Sakura, nearing the table with his glass of water, heard him and gave him another slap over his head. “Hey! You called her Ino pig a few hours ago!”

“I’m the only one allowed to call her that,” she sniffed, her cheeks slightly pink as she handed the glass of water to Sasuke.

As he drank it, he saw them exchange a soft look. Great, as if Sasuke needed them to rub their relationship in his face.

Sakura walked over to Ino and sat next to her on the couch, grabbing her hand and placing it on her lap. “Sasuke-kun, how could you not think Naruto wanted you here? He chased you for years. I’m pretty sure that meant he wanted you back in Konoha.”

Sasuke’s stomach tightened slightly. “Right, but then I left again and he… never wrote to me. I hadn’t spoken to him since I left… Besides, the idiot just felt responsible for me. I was his friend. You’re saying it like it was anything more than that to him. It wasn’t.”

“You seriously believe that?” Ino butted in.

“It’s what he said.”

“And you believed him? Did you see any other ‘friend’ chasing your grumpy ass across the world?”

Sasuke scowled. He didn’t like feeling interrogated, especially about Naruto, especially by _Ino_.

“What do you know about it?” He didn’t even try to hide the annoyance in his voice. “Last I remember, you never even spared Naruto a glance. Now you think you’re some sort of expert on all things concerning his feelings. Fuck off.”

Sakura sat up at that, sending daggers Sasuke’s way.

“Sasuke…” she warned.

He shoved down the urge to roll his eyes, not afraid of her in the slightest and instead said, “Hn.”

Smirking, Ino sat a hand on Sakura’s shoulder and pushed her back softly, easing her back on the couch.

She turned to Sasuke with a wicked glint in her eyes, “Did I hit a nerve, Sasuke-kun?” The honorific dripped with sarcasm, deepening Sasuke’s glare.

He had enough of this. He came for Naruto. He didn’t come to get lectured by anybody, much less Ino.

He stood abruptly to leave, his legs bumping slightly with the table. His hands quickly reached out to hold it before it toppled over.

Ino laughed at that, “Oh, would you relax? Sit down. We still have so much to talk about. Where are you going to go anyways? Your team left and I doubt you want to see Naruto right now.”

They had a rather dramatic stare down for a minute until Sasuke grudgingly sat back down. She had a point. His friends had only come to drop Sasuke off. Sasuke didn’t know how long he was staying, since it all depended on Naruto, so they’d left and said they’d return if Sasuke was serious about staying. It had made him feel oddly warm that they’d be willing to stay for _him_. He wasn’t sure if they were allowed, he would have to ask Kakashi, but still, he was grateful.

And of course, he didn’t want to see Naruto again. Not yet. Not without knowing what he’ll say. He’d underestimated Naruto’s current state of emotions, so he wanted to map out well his words before confronting him again. Somehow blurting out his feelings in front of their friends hadn’t worked… Yeah, he really sucked at this.

Sakura let out a relieved sigh and gave Sasuke an encouraging smile, although it didn’t quite reach her eyes. He suddenly felt guilty for the tense air and tried to give her a smile of his own, but even he could feel it came out forced.

Ino seemed to have thought the same, because she pecked Sakura on the cheek while her hand tucked a loose strand of her hair behind her ear in a loving gesture. This seemed to appease Sakura who practically purred at Ino.

Sasuke coughed awkwardly bringing attention to his presence. They both turned to look back at him and Sasuke was surprised that even Ino looked sheepish. _They really do love each other_ , Sasuke thought, _disgusting_.

It was Sakura who spoke first, “Actually, Sasuke, Ino and Naruto get along well now.”

“Is that right?” he muttered, entirely disbelieving.

“We bonded over both of us being in love with two oblivious idiots,” Ino said, bumping her shoulder playfully against Sakura’s.

At that Sasuke stiffened. _In love?_

“Who was he in love with?” he asked quietly, fearing the answer.

This time Sakura groaned, letting go of Ino’s hand to throw her arms up in the air.

“You’re right, he’s such an idiot!”

Ino giggled, agreeing with Sakura and shaking her head in amused exasperation.

“With you, dumbass, and stop looking so shocked because I know for a fact that Naruto confessed to you.”

In unison, Sasuke and Sakura yelled out, “What?”

“You never told me this!” Sakura said at the same time that Sasuke defended, “You don’t know what you’re talking about!”

Ino gave both of them an irritated look. To Sakura she said, “I never told you because Naruto asked me not to. He was too embarrassed after being rejected by him,” and pointed to Sasuke without taking her eyes off of Sakura.

Sakura whipped her head accusingly at Sasuke, “You rejected him?!”

Sasuke held his hands in mock surrender, “Hold on, hold on.” Had he said he wasn’t afraid of Sakura? Yeah, he took that back. The way she was looking at him had him fearing for his life.

“I never rejected Naruto because he never confessed in the first place,” he clarified, once again glaring at Ino.

Where did she get off on lying like this?

Ino glared right back, practically pinning him to the chair with her light blue eyes, “Did he or did he not kiss you after the war?”

There was a beat of silence.

Sakura suddenly squealed loudly, pulling up her legs on the couch to sit on her knees. She bounced excitedly, tugging on Ino’s hair and ignoring her complaints, “Sasuke-kun, are you blushing?! Oh my God, you are so blushing! I never thought I’d see you blush, ever! Ino, look! Look at him!”

Ino swatted her girlfriend’s hand away, “I’m looking at him, Sakura! I see it! Can you– Sakura! Let go of my hair!”

She seemed to try but couldn’t contain herself from grinning at Sakura’s childish behavior, pushing her away and laughing in the process.

Sasuke certainly wasn’t laughing. Gods, did Naruto tell Ino everything? He told her about the kiss? Sasuke thought that Naruto hadn’t even remembered it. Naruto had been so drunk that night that Sasuke figured he forgot all about it, especially since Naruto hadn’t brought it up the next day and acted his usual self.

“Yes, he kissed me,” Sasuke admitted, cheeks flaming while ignoring Sakura’s glee, “But he was plastered. I thought he regretted it. I had to practically carry him home.”

Ino looked surprised, furrowing her eyebrows and mumbling under her breath, “I’m going to kill that dumbass.”

Sakura, eyeing Ino in amusement for a second, turned to Sasuke and clapped her hands together, “Regardless of that, I don’t think you needed a kiss to know Naruto’s feelings. Everybody in the village knew how he felt about you.”

Again, _felt_ , as in the past. Sasuke wasn’t missing how the girls kept describing Naruto’s supposedly feelings for him in the past tense. He tried to ignore the queasiness that rumbled in his stomach, instead focusing his attention on the conversation. 

“I did actually, preferably a sober kiss,” he murmured, propping his elbow on the table to lean his face against his hand, “I didn’t even know he liked guys.”

Ino snorted. “Technically we didn’t know either. I mean, we thought his taste started and ended with you until–”

Sasuke, who had been staring intently at the dining table, looked to Ino expectantly waiting for her to finish her thought. Instead her mouth was closed, and she bit her lip, seemingly debating on whether or not to say something.

“Until what? What were you going to say?”

Sasuke still looked at her, waiting. Ino shared a weighty look with Sakura, who shook her head at her, but Ino didn’t seem to agree with her, judging by the way Ino’s eyes squinted at Sakura.

It was extremely bizarre to see them communicating without words, but Sasuke understood to a certain degree. He and Naruto had always been able to communicate better with fists than with words. He supposed everybody has their own version of it.

Ino appeared to have won the debate, because she nudged Sakura into standing up and walking over to Sasuke, as if she was marching to her death. She grabbed the seat next to him and pulled it closer to him, sitting down and grabbing his hand, smiling almost sadly, “You should know something.”

“What?” Sasuke brusquely asked, bracing himself.

He didn’t particularly like to be touched – unless it was Naruto – but there was an alarm going off in his head telling him to cling onto Sakura instead of pushing her away, so he didn’t fight her grasp.

“Naruto is seeing someone.”

Silence. Then, “What?”

“I said–”

“No, I heard you, Sakura. I just…” Sasuke still didn’t pull his hand away from Sakura’s grip, needing something, _anything_ to ground him.

He felt breathless, like he had just traveled across the entire nation. There was a burning in his lungs, hot and powerful and _suffocating_ , and he couldn’t seem to draw enough air in. He might throw up. He couldn’t remember the last time he felt like this.

A hand on his shoulder gave him a tight squeeze and it took him a few seconds to realize that it was Ino comforting him. She must’ve walked over at some point without Sasuke noticing. He gazed up at her and then back to Sakura who was murmuring soothing words to him.

They were both looking at him with pity and if anything, it made Sasuke feel worse.

“You really do love him, huh?” Ino whispered, more to herself than to Sasuke. She sounded stunned, as if she had to witness Sasuke have an almost panic attack to believe it.

“Who’s he seeing?” Sasuke choked out. It had to be Hinata. Who else?

“Gaara,” Ino revealed, a hint of rare sympathy in her voice, but she barreled on, “And he’s not just seeing him. They’re engaged.”

“Ino!” Sakura snapped, looking genuinely angry at her girlfriend. Guess she wasn’t planning on telling Sasuke the entire truth. Probably thought it was better to spare him some part of his heart.

Sasuke didn’t say anything for a long time and thankfully neither did his audience. He tried to internalize what he had just heard, but he just couldn’t believe it.

What he finally said was, “Guess he does like boys.”

Ino huffed at that and Sakura rolled her eyes, but she was still looking at him with worried, green eyes.

It was hard to focus on her though when all he could picture was Gaara of the Sand, the Fifth Kazekage, the once one-tailed beast Jinchūriki. Gaara, who had a torturous childhood just like him and Naruto, except he ended up being more like Naruto than Sasuke in the end, finding strength in love and friendships. He understood Naruto more than Sasuke ever could, having both been Jinchūrikis and experiencing similar ordeals. In that aspect, he had Sasuke beat.

On top of that, he had a good heart, _unlike me_ , he bitterly thought. Sure, Gaara had tried to kill Naruto, but they were younger and Gaara was being terrorized by the beast inside him. He had never known love, until Naruto had quite literally beat some sense into him, becoming his first friend.

Gaara hadn’t abandoned Naruto. Gaara hadn’t tried to kill Naruto to sever his only and most important bond. Gaara hadn’t pummeled his chidori through Naruto’s lung. Gaara hadn’t left him, alone and defeated, in the Valley of the End. Gaara hadn’t continued to try to kill Naruto for several years, rejecting all of his attempts to bring him back home. Gaara hadn’t practically spat in his face each time Naruto had yelled _because you’re my friend_.

No, that had all been Sasuke, which was why he left in the first place. Because he didn’t deserve Naruto. Didn’t deserve to be the one waiting for him to return home from his missions. Didn’t deserve to be the one to take him out to eat ramen every day of the week. Didn’t deserve to be the one to hug Naruto’s worries away, his body melting into his. Didn’t deserve to be the one to kiss Naruto awake every morning with the promise of a new day by his side.

He didn’t deserve Naruto, so he’d left, except in the end he hadn’t been able to stay away for long. Because one day, a few months into his journey of redemption with Team Taka, he got to thinking about soulmates, about how having one was a gift from the universe. Hadn’t the universe tried time and time again to bring him and Naruto together? Didn’t that mean that they were soulmates?

Sasuke had to admit, the whole reincarnations of Ashura and Indra thing had been pretty weird, and for a while he’d been pissed off at the thought that he and Naruto hadn’t _chosen_ each other but rather that instead an act beyond them had pushed them together.

But then he started seeing the beauty and the underlying truth of it. To a certain degree the universe had pushed them together, but that was it. It had done the easy part of the job; it was up to them to put in the brunt of the work to complete their union, because to do so was almost like a battle. Who knew more about that than the two most powerful ninjas of the world?

He and Naruto were fighters and soldiers and warriors. Fighting and dying for peace was in their blood; having a soulmate was kind of like the same thing. They had to pledge to fight for their love for the rest of their days, and wouldn’t their love be the most marvelous expression of peace in the world? Sasuke thought so.

Soulmates lived and died for each other. Sasuke had been dying for Naruto since he was twelve years old. He’d been willing to kill him, knowing that Naruto’s death would be his own as well.

Only he hadn’t known it at first, not entirely, and that’s when he realized that he hadn’t been ready to be Naruto’s soulmate all those years before. He hadn’t been ready to knock down his own walls, to let Naruto in, to replace his anger and bitterness with love. He had been a coward, and he left.

Maybe it had been necessary to leave, for Sasuke’s sanity, but that didn’t mean he had had to leave _Naruto_. He could’ve done more. Should’ve done more. Asked Naruto to join him. Asked Naruto to wait for him. Or maybe that would’ve been too selfish. Either way, he’d bottled his feelings and left.

But the time apart gave him clarity. He didn’t want to keep running away from Naruto anymore. He didn’t think he’ll ever be worthy of him, but he was done standing in the way of his own happiness. Of fate.

He came back to be brave like Naruto had always been. Maybe Naruto hadn’t said the exact words, and Sasuke still thought it was close to impossible, but a force inside of him told him that maybe, just _maybe_ , Naruto felt the same way and judging by what Ino and Sakura were telling him he was right.

Only a fighter could have a soulmate and Sasuke was ready to fight like hell for his.

It was his turn to be brave for Naruto.

“Do you think he’s gone into shock?”

“Why are you asking me? You’re the expert medic ninja here!”

“Yeah, well, I’m not the one who decided to tell him the love of his life is engaged to another man!”

“Better he hears it from us than from someone on the streets!”

“Hears it from _you_ , Ino, you told him! And you know he should’ve heard it from Naruto himself. You just wanted to make him squirm.”

“… I needed to make sure the idiot is actually in love with Naruto. Was I supposed to give him a free pass just because of his pretty face? We can’t all be like you, Billboard-Brow!”

“Oh, you did not just go there, Ino pig!”

Ino and Sakura’s bickering finally reached his ears, zoning him back into the present. His eyes grew wide as he processed what they had just said.

“Hey, hey!” he yelled out quickly, settling one hand on Ino’s shoulder and another on Sakura’s.

They snapped their heads towards him, both faces flushed in embarrassment. He couldn’t help the small smirk that tugged at his lips.

“I don’t know if this some type of foreplay between you two, but I don’t want to be privy to it- Fuck!”

Both girls had punched his shoulders, shrugging off his hold on them and giving him death stares. He rubbed the one Sakura punched, that one hurting increasingly more than the other one.

“How can you be making a joke at a time like this! You’re supposed to be heartbroken.”

As an afterthought, Sakura said suspiciously, “I didn’t even know you were capable of making jokes.”

Sasuke simply grunted, shaking his head in slight amusement.

“I’m going to go talk to Naruto. Where can I find him?”

Ino knocked her fist jokingly on the side of his head, “Hellooooo? Did you miss the part where we told you he’s engaged?”

Pursing his lips, Sasuke moved his head away from Ino’s playful, _annoying_ antics, “I heard you. I still want to talk him. I didn’t come back here just to leave without at least talking to him first.”

He had no idea how he was going to convince the blond to give him the time of day. But he was Uchiha Sasuke, one half of the heroes that saved the entire ninja world. He would not let himself be intimidated by the world’s most hyperactive, knucklehead ninja, even if said ninja now looked like he had been sculpted by the gods.

(Not that Naruto hadn’t been attractive before; Sasuke just didn’t know it was possible for Naruto to look even better. Gods, he had never been happier to be proven wrong.)

Sakura let out a loud breath of air and grimaced, “So you are leaving? Have you learned nothing, Sasuke-kun?”

“I’m not leaving. I just want to talk to him and knock some sense into him. I mean, marriage? What is the dobe thinking?”

Ino cackled at that, “Good luck with that. You don’t know Naruto anymore.”

Sasuke narrowed his eyes at her, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I think what Ino is trying to say,” Sakura started, giving Ino a pointed look, “is that Naruto is… different.”

“Different how?”

“Um, did you miss the part where the weirdo hid in some trees to surprise you with a blow to your face?”

Sasuke’s face grew hot at Ino’s comment, still embarrassed at how excited he’d been to see Naruto and how… _not_ excited Naruto had been back. “Yeah, well, fighting isn’t really a rare occurrence between Naruto and I.”

“True,” Ino hummed thoughtfully, “But he’s not the same, not since the war. You’d know if you would’ve stuck around. “

Ignoring the dig, Sasuke turned to Sakura and raised his eyebrows in question.

She shrugged, not really meeting his eyes, “He’s just not as happy and cheery as he used to be, but hey, war does that to you, right?”

“Sakura,” Sasuke took a hold of her wrist to make her look at him, “What are you not saying?”

She exhaled with a dejected look in her eyes, “Honestly, he just always looks sad. It was worse right after the war. He’d been so depressed he barely left his bed. Kakashi-sensei and I hadn’t known what to do.”

“Why didn’t anybody tell me?” it came out snappy and angry, but he didn’t care. His blood was boiling at the mere image of a cast down Naruto.

Of course, Ino was the one who answered, “Because you left, jerk. Let go of my girlfriend, would you?”

Sasuke quickly complied, muttering a low apology to Sakura, but she waved him off.

“He got better… eventually. It was actually Gaara who helped him,” she winced apologetically. Sasuke simply shrugged, ignoring the twist in his gut. “Like I said, he’s just sadder than he used to be. Quieter. He spends most of his time in Suna though, so maybe it’s Konoha bringing him down. Who knows? It’s hard to get him to open up these days…”

A sudden question popped into head, “If Naruto wants to be Hokage how is he getting married to Gaara?”

“We tried asking him that, but he said he’d cross that bridge when he got there. I’m sure he has something in mind, I mean, it’s his dream. He wouldn’t bail on that, right?” She failed miserably at sounding optimistic.

None of this sounded like Naruto. Sakura and Ino were right; he was different. What had happened to Naruto these past two years?

“You have that determined look in your eyes again. You still want to go see Naruto?”

Sasuke nodded tersely at Ino, standing up to leave.

“Don’t you think you should, I don’t know, change your clothes or something? No offense, but you look homeless.”

“Ino!” Sakura hissed in horror, slapping her gently on her arm.

“What!” she hissed back. “I’m doing him a favor.”

He hesitated, wondering if Ino had a point and whether or not he should change, but his skin was practically itching with nerves to see Naruto, even if it had only been a few hours since he last saw him. He could hardly wait anymore. Besides, he doubted his appearance was enough to sway Naruto into forgiveness.

Shaking his head, he said, “I’m fine.”

“At least leave behind that sash you have around your head.”

Rolling his eyes, he quickly reached to the back of his head and pulled off the sash, slamming it a little bit too harshly on the table. “Happy?”

Ino nodded smugly, placing her hands on her hips, “Perfect! You need all the help you can get, and we all know your best feature is your face. Your hair frames it better this way. I like the new bang, by the way. Your rinnegan is sorta creepy.”

Sakura looked up to the sky, almost pleading to the Heavens, “Don’t listen to her, Sasuke-kun. You look great. Go find Naruto.”

Without sparing one more glance, Sasuke quickly rushed out of the apartment.

* * *

He didn’t know where his feet were taking him. He was just following the warmth of Naruto’s chakra that gave off his location. Before he knew it, he found himself passing the abandoned Uchiha compound.

He stopped running and hesitated. Naruto wasn't too far away; the dobe was most likely at one of the secluded training grounds, since there wasn’t any other place near the compound that Naruto would be at. This area of the village was almost deserted.

He didn’t want to keep running from his feelings, and while that mainly included Naruto, it also included the massacre. Swallowing and taking a deep breath, he walked into the compound with trembling legs.

It was haunting. Sasuke could almost hear the familiar chatter of the Uchihas in his ears. Could picture himself on his brother’s back as they strolled home. Could picture the admiring eyes that followed his father’s every step. Could picture the easy way his mother would greet and smile at everybody.

 _Fuck_. It was a mistake to come in here. Why did he do it? He wasn’t ready. The wound was still as deep as the first day. It was even worse with the newfound knowledge that his brother was _forced_ to take their clan’s lives. He had only been thirteen, a child. How could they had done that to Itachi?

He suddenly found himself in front of where his old home used to stand; now there was only destruction and rubble from Pain’s attack. _The attack I hadn’t been there to help with_ , he bitterly thought.

Sasuke closed his eyes, willing himself to think of good memories: how excited he’d be when Itachi would come from the academy, how happy he’d feel when his mother would make him his favorite cookies, how proud he’d feel when his father would congratulate him on his training.

He clung to those memories and shut everything out, trying to forget everything that currently clogged his mind; the ghosts of these streets, that the love of his life was engaged and, _how was he going to recover from that?_

He was so entranced that he didn’t even notice the sound of footsteps landing behind him until a voice said, “Sasuke?”

Turning around abruptly, Sasuke was faced with _light._

“Naruto,” he breathed out shakily, taking the man and his bright chakra in. Sasuke noted there was something off about it, but he pushed that aside for later.

Naruto looked at him almost painfully but trying to put up a brave face. It made Sasuke want to punch a wall. How had he let himself hurt this man so much?

Before he could say anything, his eyes narrowed in on Naruto’s hand. There, on his fourth finger, sat an engagement band.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> anyone else a sucker for sasuke and ino interactions? no? lol, i can just imagine them being sassy bff's, sasuke needs somebody (besides naruto) to put up with his snarky attitude and ino seems so perfect for it haha.
> 
> i read somewhere something about how having a soulmate is like a battle and i INSTANTLY thought of sasunaru so i HAD to include that. 
> 
> sorry about the cliffhanger.. don't hate me too much!!!
> 
> comment away!! i would love to hear your thoughts :)


	3. You love me? Sasuke, you left me.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What have you missed? Everything!” Naruto’s words dripped with fury. “Now you show up saying you’re back for me?! And that you want to be with me?! How is that even– Since when have you– I just, I can’t with this! Screw you, Sasuke! Do you know how long I waited for you to say those words to me? How I knew it was close to impossible, yet I still hoped? Even when you kept leaving. Even when you kept trying to kill me. I still fucking hoped.”
> 
> Sasuke’s heart leapt and burst at the same time. Naruto had wanted to be with him too. Naruto had ached and longed and yearned for Sasuke, just like Sasuke had for Naruto. They’d been such idiots. So blind.
> 
> But it all felt like Sasuke was too late.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hellooo! i want to start by warning you that this chapter is HEAVY on the angst... i know not many people like angst so if you're sticking around then thank u so much, i'm very grateful!! you know how there's that saying that goes "it gets worse before it gets better"???? well, that works perfectly with this fic haha. this chapter might seem sad, but don't worry, there's a light at the end of the tunnel... hopefully ;) there won't be angst forever i promise.
> 
> again, thanks so much for the comments and kudos!! they make my entire day and really push me to keep on writing. 
> 
> this chapter was VERY tough to write... i went back and forth with how much i wanted to reveal, what i wanted them to say, etc. ultimately this is the result. i hope i did a good job and that you guys enjoy!!
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

**Chapter Three**

Something must’ve shown on Sasuke’s face, because Naruto followed his gaze and then sucked in a breath, closing his hand in a fist. Sasuke quickly looked away, returning his eyes to the devastatingly handsome blond in front of him. He didn’t know how much time passed without either of them saying anything, but of course it was Naruto who broke the silence.

“What are you doing here?” His voice was still as raspy as Sasuke remembered, but it was laced with something almost strong. Naruto was firmer and more grounded, nothing like the still carefree seventeen-year-old he’d left behind after the war. Sasuke hoped this change in him wasn’t his doing.

“I was looking for you,” he confessed, not missing the way Naruto’s posture stiffened in response. “But I was passing by and thought I’d step in here. I don’t even know why–”

Naruto shook his head, stopping Sasuke mid-sentence.

He suddenly remembered the way Naruto’s spiky hair would get in his face whenever he’d shake his head after removing his hitai-ate, how Sasuke had to physically stop himself from reaching out and pushing Naruto’s bangs away from those deep, blue eyes. He was hit with the realization that he might never get the opportunity to do so again; Gaara owned the right now. He felt sick to his stomach.

Quietly, almost respectfully, Naruto said, “I don’t mean here,” and he waved his hand in the air, motioning to the Uchiha compound. _Oh_. “I mean _here_ , in Konoha. What are you doing back, Sasuke?”

Despite his firm tone, Naruto shuffled his feet nervously, the first sign since Sasuke had gotten back that Naruto was still Naruto. He almost let out a relieved breath but stopped himself.

“I told you why,” Sasuke said simply, not batting an eye. “I came back for you.”

He didn’t let his gaze waver from Naruto. He needed to be direct and honest with the blond, the way he should’ve been two years ago when Naruto had come to say goodbye. No, he should’ve been this way always, because Naruto had always been open with him, waiting for Sasuke to do the same, but instead he had done everything possible to break their bond.

Naruto’s face scrunched up, looking pained. In his eyes, Sasuke could see his guard lowering slightly.

It wasn’t until then that Sasuke wondered if this was all an act. If Naruto was still Naruto, just not with Sasuke. The thought hurt him more than he cared to admit. 

But no, even Sakura and Ino had said that Naruto was different. Something was up with Naruto and Sasuke wasn’t going to rest until he figured out what.

“I don’t even know what that means,” Naruto chuckled, practically mockingly, his face beginning to redden in anger or embarrassment, maybe both, Sasuke wasn’t sure.

Sasuke swallowed, “It means I want to be with you.” It came out awkward yet matter-of-factly.

He didn’t know how to do this. How to love. How to hand your heart over to somebody so willingly and without fear of it getting broken. Or maybe that wasn’t love, maybe love was always fearing you’d end up hurt but jumping headfirst into it anyways because it beat never trying. Beat being alone. Beat being without Naruto.

He was willing to try for Naruto. He wanted to try and learn and _love_ Naruto.

Naruto stepped back until he hit the wall and leaned against it. He ran a hand through the front of his hair and tugged at the ends, frustrated. “You want to be with _me_? Like… romantically? What? I-I don’t– I mean– Sasuke… _What_?”

His name was said sharply in a disapproving tone. Sasuke could feel his resolve begin to crumble.

“You’ve been gone for two years and then you show up with your little friends in tow and in that ridiculous fucking _poncho_ ,” Naruto pointed an accusing finger at him and Sasuke frowned. What was wrong with his poncho?

He looked down at it and heard Naruto groan, “Agh, don’t make that face at me. You know what I’m talking about.”

Sasuke didn’t know what he was talking about. Did he or did he not like his poncho?

He realized he was missing bits of Naruto’s rambling, “… and then there’s the hair, I’m assuming it’s longer so you can cover the rinnegan, but seriously, I would not look that good if I had a fucking bang covering half of my face, honestly, it’s so fucking unfair, I can’t believe you really waltzed in here looking like _that_ and saying… _things_ ,” Naruto finished lamely, almost out of breath and suddenly looking very young.

His eyes were wide and embarrassed, looking at Sasuke like he’d confessed to committing the worst crime in the world, and it was almost like Sasuke could see Naruto’s twelve-year-old self standing in front of him. The thought made his heart lurch.

Naruto was also wrong. He would look good with his hair even longer than it already was. Very good. In fact, Sasuke strongly suspected that Naruto could let his hair grow out and reach his ankles or shave it off entirely and Sasuke would still think he was the hottest man he’d ever seen.

… He was only nineteen. Only recently, after the war and thoughts of pain and vengeance and death had stopped consuming him entirely, did he notice that his body was capable of burning and aching with desire, and looking at Naruto, who was _very very very_ hot, made him feel like he was going to burst into flames on the spot.

A small voice inside his head told him he was biased, but he also knew that anybody would agree with him.

Maybe when Naruto was younger not many people had seen his appeal – although Sasuke had – but during and after the war Sasuke saw the looks women and even men would shoot at Naruto, although the blond was too oblivious to notice. It was part of his charm after all, how unaware he was of his beauty. Besides, Sasuke had been glad that Naruto wasn’t paying attention to anybody else because it meant he was paying attention to him, _only_ him. Too bad he’d left the village and blew it.

But then his heart and mind caught up and Sasuke realized that Naruto had just complimented him, in his own Naruto way.

He half-smiled softly, “You like my hair?”

Another groan left Naruto’s mouth, “Sasuke, stop it! Stop looking like that, all smiles and looking at _me_ like that, I can’t, ah!” he clawed at his head and then moaned exasperated.

Sasuke felt light all of a sudden, fragments of the Naruto he knew so well coming together in front of him. For a minute there he’d thought he lost him forever.

“Since when do you even smile? I feel like the emotionally unavailable, bastard Sasuke left the village two years ago and the one standing in front of me is a complete stranger.”

Sasuke ignored the jab, knowing he deserved it and instead impulsively declared, “Naruto, I missed you.”

Sasuke immediately cringed on the inside, knowing he was going about this all wrong, because this wasn’t how he’d planned on talking to Naruto, but the blond had always had a way of grabbing Sasuke and shifting his entire world around.

Also, Sasuke wasn’t the best at talking to people in general. Not to mention, he had zero experience with _actually_ talking about his feelings.

Naruto huffed, cheeks pink and biting his bottom lip, a hand reaching out to scratch the back of his head. He looked slightly pleased, even though Sasuke was sure Naruto was trying to hide it. Too bad he’d always been unable to not wear his heart on his sleeve.

Sasuke _loved_ him for it.

“This is exactly what I mean! How are you saying these things? _Why_ are you saying them? I’m just, I’m really confused, Sas,” Sasuke’s heart leapt at the easy way the nickname fell out of Naruto’s mouth, “You’re not you.”

He didn’t blame Naruto for feeling this way. Of course to Sasuke it all made sense, seeing how he was the one who had had the sudden realization of his deep, everlasting feelings for Naruto over two years ago and had decided he now needed to bear his heart as much as he could if he had any chance of being with Naruto.

But Naruto hadn’t known, had no way of knowing, after being left behind in Konoha and in the meantime gotten engaged. It must’ve seemed completely out of the blue to have Uchiha Sasuke, Konoha’s #1 bastard, practically on his knees for him. The end of the world was more likely than this.

Sasuke shrugged, “I am more me than I’ve ever been,” and he had never spoken any truer words before.

Naruto got that confused look he’d always made, even when they were kids, where his eyebrows furrow together and his eyes squint so much, they were almost practically closed, wrinkling at the sides, with his lips puckered up.

He looked like a complete idiot.

Entirely fond, Sasuke continued, “You’re still you though.”

“Am I?”

It sounded more like a taunt than a question, but Sasuke didn’t rise to the challenge.

“You are, even though I can tell you’re trying not to. You’re still you, deadlast.”

Naruto sucked in a breath, as if he’d just gotten punched. He looked away from Sasuke and scowled, looking extremely uncomfortable.

Sasuke hesitated, not wanting to push his luck, but plowed on, “What’s going on with you, Naruto? What have I missed? I got this letter saying–”

Naruto’s resentful laugh startled Sasuke, who wasn’t expecting it at all. It sounded horrifying coming out of Naruto, especially when all Sasuke had dreamed of for the past two years was Naruto’s laugh. His warm, blissful, bright laugh.

How had it turned into this?

“What have you missed? Everything!” Naruto’s words dripped with fury. “Now you show up saying you’re back for me?! And that you want to be with me?! How is that even– Since when have you– I just, I can’t with this! Screw you, Sasuke! Do you know how long I waited for you to say those words to me? How I knew it was close to impossible, yet I still hoped? Even when you kept leaving. Even when you kept trying to _kill_ _me_. I still fucking hoped.”

Sasuke’s heart leapt and burst at the same time. Naruto had wanted to be with him too. Naruto had ached and longed and yearned for Sasuke, just like Sasuke had for Naruto. They’d been such idiots. So blind.

But it all felt like Sasuke was too late.

“Can I at least try to explain?”

“Don’t even, Sasuke. You know what, I should’ve punched you twice at the gates, actually, no, I should just punch you right now for saying all this bullshit to me!”

“Just let me fucking speak, Naruto!” Sasuke finally snapped, his own frustration beginning to bubble at the surface.

Naruto was just so _angry_. He could see Naruto literally shaking with it, trying to restrain himself. For a second Sasuke paused, wondering if he should give in to their old ways and have this conversation with their fists. But no, it wasn’t the right time. He needed to show Naruto that he was different now, that he knew what he wanted and that he was no longer afraid of it, that he meant what he said, that all he thought about for two years had been a messy head of spiky blond hair and a beautiful, rich laugh, that he didn’t think he could live without Naruto anymore, that he shouldn’t get married, that he couldn’t, he just couldn’t, he–

“Did you get my letters?” Sasuke asked, choosing to start there. At that, Naruto’s wrath evaporated instantly, and he looked away guiltily, shoving his hands in his pockets. Sasuke took the chance to take a step closer to Naruto without him noticing.

“I did,” was all Naruto said, still looking away. Sasuke took another step.

“Okay,” he said slowly, “Did you read them?”

Naruto finally snapped his head back up, looking directly at Sasuke. His eyes narrowed slightly, probably noticing that Sasuke was closer than before, but he didn’t comment on it. Instead he lifted his chin up, pursing his lips slightly.

Sasuke could kiss him right then and there.

“I think you know the answer to that question.”

Sasuke froze at that, feeling his heart churn. He’d long suspected that Naruto hadn’t been reading his letters, but the confirmation made it all more real. For a second, he felt embarrassed. All the hours he’d spent agonizing over the right words to say, only for Naruto to not even spare a glance at them. It hurt. Gods, it hurt. It was fine, though. He deserved it. He left Naruto. He’d been leaving Naruto for years. He had no right to get upset at him.

Still, it didn’t stop the pain from leaking out of his heart and coursing through his body.

“Can I ask why?” He didn’t even try to hide the hurt from his voice. He had already decided he’d be as vulnerable as possible; this was just part of that.

Naruto’s eyes widened slightly, catching the emotion in Sasuke’s question. Still, he was ruthless, “If you had anything to say to me, you would’ve said it two years ago.”

There was so much bitterness in Naruto’s voice, Sasuke felt like he was being smothered with it. He hated himself for doing so to Naruto, because Naruto had never been bitter. Naruto, the boy who lost his parents the day he was born, the boy who was shunned by the entire village, the boy who lived years before ever knowing love, the boy who had known so much loss. Despite all of that, Naruto had never been bitter. Now he was and it was all Sasuke’s fault.

“Naruto,” he started, and he swore he could see Naruto shiver, “You’re right. I should’ve said everything before I left, but I just wasn’t ready,” Sasuke saw Naruto’s eyes flare with anger, but he barreled on, “I didn’t know how to be the person you wanted. It wasn’t possible for me back then, but it is now, it’s why I’m back. I’ve gotten better, Naruto, I’m better and I’m here and I’m sorry and I…” His hands visibly shook, “I love you.”

Sasuke hadn’t realized he had been stepping closer to Naruto until he was suddenly so close their noses were practically touching. Sasuke flicked his eyes over Naruto’s face, trying to take in his chiseled jaw, his pink lips, the whiskers on his cheeks, his sorrowful eyes, his long eyelashes, everything. He just wanted to wrap himself around everything that made up Naruto; the feeling was almost unbearable.

Shakily, he lifted his hands to Naruto’s sides and gently ran them up his arms, stopping at his shoulders and squeezing them. He closed his eyes, taking in Naruto’s scent and warmth, tears springing at his eyes because god, how he had missed this man. He never thought he’d be able to have Naruto, never thought he’d be worthy, but Naruto was finally standing at arm’s reach and maybe if Sasuke held on tight they’d never have to part again.

But Naruto gave him a wobbly, almost sad smile and cupped Sasuke’s face with his hands, pressing his forehead to his. He looked into Sasuke’s eyes with all of the pain in the world, “You love me? Sasuke, you _left_ me.”

Suddenly, the cold air engulfed Sasuke as Naruto stepped away from his embrace. Sasuke’s entire world tilted and he reached out to clutch at his stomach in pain, feeling bile rise up in his throat. He turned to look at Naruto, watching him increase the distance between them. He looked just as miserable as Sasuke felt, except Sasuke felt like they were at sea and he was the one clinging for dear life while Naruto tried to swim away.

“Naruto, please,” and he was begging, Uchiha Sasuke was begging, but it was Naruto and he had to beg because Sasuke couldn’t live without him. He had to tell Naruto. He had to tell him everything. He hadn’t said nearly enough yet, but Naruto already felt oceans away from him.

“Don’t,” Naruto stopped him, voice hard. His face no longer showed anything. It was as if Naruto had let down the curtains and was now staring at him with a stony expression. “You didn’t get it and you still don’t. The person I wanted was you, Sasuke. The person I always wanted was you. I wanted the Sasuke that sacrificed his life for his comrade without thinking about it, even though he claimed to hate him.” Naruto stopped, letting out a hollow chuckle. “I wanted the Sasuke that came barging in to save me, only to have his ass handed to him by his older brother.”

At the mention of Itachi, Sasuke sucked in a breath, thinking back to that day. The fear he’d felt at the thought of losing Naruto to Itachi, the person he had wanted to kill, and if Naruto had been taken, Sasuke would’ve never forgiven himself. How little he knew back then, oblivious to the truth about Itachi and to his own feelings towards Naruto.

“I even wanted you when you woke up in the hospital and your first thought was to fight me,” Naruto’s voice sounded so far away.

Sasuke shut his eyes, as if this somehow stopped him from remembering. It didn’t.

“You knew how much I wanted you when we fought at the Valley of the End, even when you ran your chidori through my lung. When I woke up on Kakashi-sensei’s back, the first thing I did was ask for you.”

 _Please stop. Make it stop._ He didn’t need to hear how much he’d hurt Naruto; he already knew. He wanted to tell him what he’d been thinking in all those moments, that he’d wanted him back just as much he just didn’t know how, but the words stayed stuck in his throat. Naruto’s rejection had silenced him.

“This is the part I don’t think you understand. I still wanted you even when you left. Even when you did… what you did, Sasuke. Even when you left again.”

How could Naruto say these things and mean them? Did he really want Sasuke, despite who he had become? Sure, on some level Sasuke knew Naruto cared for him. If he hadn’t, he wouldn’t have chased him for so many years. But Sasuke had always thought it had more to do with Naruto than with Sasuke. Naruto had always had a hero complex, always felt like the world fell on his shoulders and it was his job to fix every problem. So, he figured that was how Naruto saw him, another problem that Naruto had to fix or else it would mean he had failed everyone, especially Sakura and Kakashi.

There was a small part of him that hoped it was something more. A rational voice inside his head told him, _don’t be such an idiot, nobody would go through all of this for just a friend_. Yet, every time he asked Naruto the dobe would say _because I’m your friend_ like a broken record. So of course, Sasuke thought Naruto didn’t want him back, even after he finally returned to the village, even after the night they got drunk after the war, because according to Naruto _we just saved the word, you bastard, we deserve a drink_ , and Naruto had drunkenly kissed him – and oh how Sasuke thought about that kiss – he still didn’t think Naruto wanted him. If for some reason he did, it wasn’t the Sasuke from two years ago. That Sasuke was a criminal that had tried to murder the only person he’d ever loved, among other people. It just wasn’t possible for Naruto to want _that_ Sasuke, so he’d left to reinvent himself into a person worthy of Naruto, into a person that Sasuke could live with.

He hadn’t thought to invite Naruto – even though he’d suspected he would’ve gone in a heartbeat – because he hadn’t wanted to take Naruto away from his home. He belonged in Konoha and Sasuke belonged anywhere else. Besides, he hadn’t wanted Naruto privy to Sasuke’s journey of self-discovery.

It’d felt like something Sasuke had to do by himself. Couldn’t Naruto understand that?

He thought he would come back when he felt ready and whole, and Naruto would be waiting for him at the gates with that goofy smile on his face that said _it’s about time you came back, you bastard._

How could he explain everything to Naruto though? He didn’t think it’d change much, judging by the determined look on Naruto’s face. He knew that deep down Naruto didn’t want to, that the blond received no pleasure from hurting his friend, but he was prepared to break his heart tonight.

“Sasuke, you don’t think I wanted you when I kissed you?” Naruto’s voice cracked slightly, causing an embarrassed blush to spread across his face despite his scowl. He turned his face away in an attempt to hide it but Sasuke caught it. 

He would’ve smiled at Naruto’s sheepish face if it were any other moment, but knowing where this was headed, he didn’t. Instead he blurted out, “Even if you really believed that, you were wrong, Naruto! After everything I did… I was a criminal. I don’t regret my choices, but I regret that I hurt you. I didn’t know you had feelings for me.” His voice came out weak at the end, still in sheer shock that Naruto had felt something, anything for him. “But I still thought that you… that you deserved better. Better than _me_. As a friend and partner.”

“So, you just left again?” Naruto scoffed, whipping his head back to pin Sasuke with his icy glare. “You didn’t think to ask me what I thought of you? Because if you had, I would’ve told you!”

“Told me what, Naruto?” Sasuke’s frustration was beginning to coil in his stomach again, but it was more at himself than at Naruto.

“That I never– Sasuke, I _never_ saw you as a criminal! I still don’t. I only ever saw you as my best friend. I just wanted my best friend to come home!”

“And I did! I came back! For you!” Sasuke was now yelling, his emotions overwhelming and seizing him. “Then and now! Don’t you fucking get that? But I couldn’t stay in Konoha, Naruto, not back then. There was, it was all, just, _too_ _much_! Why can’t you understand that?”

“I understand that much, asshole. But you could’ve taken me with you! Why didn’t you ask me to go with you? For years, all I’ve done is watch you walk away from me… Was I supposed to act like it was fine forever?”

Underneath Naruto’s words and anger there was only sadness, and Sasuke could hear it completely, could feel himself being dragged by it and meeting Naruto at the bottom of the abyss.

“Would you have really left your precious Konoha?” He didn’t mean to sound spiteful, but Sasuke’s lingering feelings of resentment towards the village were ripping through him. “You’ve dedicated your entire life to this village, Naruto. Now you’re angry at me because I didn’t ask you to leave it?”

Before Naruto could retort, Sasuke continued, “Of course I wanted to ask you!” He let out a shaky breath, clenching his fists tightly until he felt them turning white. He repeated softer this time, “Of course I wanted to. I hoped you’d say yes, but… I wasn’t sure. Naruto, I also preferred–”

He was going to try to explain that he’d needed to go on his own. It was just something he’d had to do. He hadn’t even met with Team Taka until a year into his journey, but of course, Naruto didn’t know that. If he would’ve read Sasuke’s letters, he would’ve.

Naruto interrupted him though, crossing over to Sasuke in a flash and jabbing his finger into Sasuke’s chest, “You think you know me so fucking well, huh? You and everybody else in this village thinks they know every single thought that crosses through my head! Well, you don’t!”

Up close, Naruto’s face was burning red and his eyes were clouded with rage. If he didn’t get out of Sasuke’s face in the next five seconds, Sasuke would kiss him, or punch him. Or both. It was a mixture of feelings that was beating at his heart.

So, Sasuke shoved at Naruto’s chest, _hard_. Naruto stumbled back so forcefully that he tripped over his own feet and fell in a sitting position, cursing as he landed. He remained on the ground though, his chest panting as he glowered at Sasuke, a challenge rising in his eyes.

“I’m not going to fight you so don’t even think about it,” Sasuke dismissed him, knowing exactly what Naruto was thinking. “And I _do_ know you. After everything, how can you say I don’t?”

Naruto let out _that_ laugh again, the one that made Sasuke shiver and not in a good way. “You really don’t. If you think I wouldn’t have left Konoha, you don’t.”

What did Naruto mean by that? Did he really expect Sasuke to believe that he’d leave the village? The soon-to-be Hokage?

He looked down at Naruto with a confused expression, “What’s your issue with Konoha?”

Naruto bit his lip but said nothing. Something flashed through his eyes, but it went by too fast for Sasuke to decipher it before Naruto regarded him with that emotionless mask again. He abruptly stood up, dusting off the dirt from his pants.

“There’s no issue,” he said calmly, _too_ calmly.

Sasuke only felt more confused. “You’re lying.”

Naruto sighed exasperatedly. He rubbed his left hand over his face, but when he pulled it away, he seemed to catch sight of his engagement band and froze. Sasuke could see him gulp as Naruto dropped his hand and directed a glare at him.

He saw Naruto take in a deep breath, “I’m engaged, Sasuke.”

_Way to change the subject, Naruto._

Thickly, Sasuke said, “I heard. He’s a lucky man.”

At that, Naruto smiled sourly, “He thinks so too.” He then looked down at the band again with an almost fond expression. Sasuke struggled to catch his breath as the air was sucked completely out of his body.

He’d really lost Naruto. Itachi must’ve been looking down at him with such pity. He could imagine what he’d say right now: _what a mess you’ve made, Otouto_.

With nothing else left to lose, he tried to explain to Naruto, “Look, Naruto, I–”

Naruto cut him off again with a wave of his hand, “There’s nothing left to say. You made your choices and I made mine. But you should learn how to stop assuming you know what other people are feeling.”

Again, so much resentment.

“Naruto–” he tried _again_.

“I could’ve helped you heal, y'know?” And the way Naruto said it, so dejected and disconsolate, tore inside of Sasuke. He sounded so much like the naïve, little boy that had wormed his way into Sasuke’s heart all those years ago. “We could’ve helped each other heal. You weren’t the only one who wasn’t okay, Sasuke, I needed you, for fucks sakes, I lov…” he trailed off agitated, pulling at his hair like he always did when he felt overwhelmed.

Sasuke’s heart stopped momentarily. _Was he going to say…?_

Dropping his hands limply to his sides, Naruto looked at him with those breathtaking eyes of his full of pain. “I needed you, but you abandoned me, again.”

“Naruto–” Sasuke kept trying, but that seemed to be the only thing he’d been able to say the entire night before Naruto managed to interrupt him.

“I really wanted you, Sasuke, just _you_ , flaws and scars and baggage, all of it. I did, I really did, so much, Sasuke, you have no idea,” it came out desperately and rushed, like the words were clawing their way out of his throat against his will.

Sasuke’s hope flashed momentarily as he tried to step closer to Naruto, “But I’m here now, Usuratonkachi,” he pleaded miserably, reaching out to Naruto, only to see his face fall, most likely at Sasuke’s old nickname for him. It made Sasuke halt, his heart thundering in his ears.

“No, Sasuke, you still don’t get it,” Naruto whispered, his arms moving to clutch at his chest, almost as if he was trying to shield himself from Sasuke. The sight sprang rare, unwelcomed tears to Sasuke’s eyes. “I wanted you, as in the past. I don’t anymore.”

His stomach dropped as he felt his knees begin to give out. He reached towards the wall to his side to steady himself. This seemed to pain Naruto because he immediately turned around as if he couldn’t bare the sight of Sasuke. He lowered his knees, bracing himself to jump and leave, but before he did, he gave Sasuke one last look over his shoulder, “I told you, there’s nothing here for you anymore. My wedding is in two weeks and I don’t want you there. Make sure you’re gone by then,” and with that he disappeared into the night.

Sasuke let himself sink to the ground; his back pressed against the wall. Only then did he finally let himself cry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... so, anybody else super bummed out? :( if u need some cheering up, u can always read my birthday/halloween fic for naruto. it's short, simple, cute. basically what everybody needs after all this angst haha!
> 
> let me know your thoughts!! :)


	4. You left because you needed to.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> But Naruto had always had a rare gift of being able to look past all the hate and filth and tragedy of the world.
> 
> The Naruto he'd seen a few days ago seemed like he wanted to burn the entire world down without a second thought.
> 
> There _had_ to be something more. It couldn’t just be him. Naruto couldn’t just be reacting to Sasuke’s mistakes. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! just want to say, i know in the anime sasuke was imprisoned but idk if they ever said for how long, but if i remember correctly he wasn't in the manga??? either way, he wasn't in this story lmao so just giving you guys a heads up. 
> 
> enjoy!!!
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.

**Chapter Four**

“You’re moping.”

“I’m not.”

“Yes, you are.”

“No, I’m not!” he gritted through his teeth, grabbing the pillow from under his head and placing it over his face in an attempt to shield the world away.

Couldn’t Sakura cut him some slack?

“I’ve already cut you some slack, but it’s been two days and you’ve seemed to have taken permanent residence on my couch!”

Crap, he must’ve said that out aloud.

He let out an annoyed grunt at Sakura removing the pillow from his face and slamming it back down not entirely gently.

With a sigh, he pushed the pillow aside, sat up and looked up at Sakura’s warm expression. Her short hair was tucked behind her ears and she was dressed in her work uniform. Her eyes looked tired, probably from all those endless work hours at the hospital, but they were eager, too eager for the time; she must’ve been about to leave for work.

He glanced down at her hands, fingers wrapped tightly around a cup of coffee. She practically shoved it into Sasuke’s face, and he quickly maneuvered it out of her grip. Muttering a quiet _thank you_ under his breath, Sakura flashed him an earnest grin and turned around, walking back into her kitchen.

As he sipped, he took a moment to observe his surroundings. Despite having spent the past two days here, he hadn’t really given much interest to the apartment, but as he took it in, he noted how much of a home it really was. It was small but cozy, and the girls had made sure to splash as much of them as possible, if all the photos hanging off the walls were any proof.

He stood, walking around the apartment to view the photos up close. Most of them were of Sakura and Ino, _no surprise there_ , but there were some of Sakura and Ino with their parents respectively. There was a photo of Team 10 and Sasuke inwardly winced at the sight of Asuma. He hadn’t been here for his death, but he knew enough details to know it’d been difficult on everyone, but especially on his team.

Sasuke had never been close to the man. In fact, he couldn’t seem to recall any memorable conversations with him, but Sasuke wasn’t so insensitive to ignore that he had been important to others. He even left behind a daughter he’ll never be able to know and Sasuke understood the tragedy of it. _At least she’ll find comfort in her mother_ , he thought. She won’t have to fend for herself like Sasuke had. Like _Naruto_ had.

At the thought of Naruto Sasuke exhaled. Naruto too had lost his teacher and just like Sasuke hadn’t been there for Asuma’s death he hadn’t been there for Jiraiya’s either.

When Jiraiya had magically strolled into Naruto’s life – where had he been for the first twelve years of it? – Sasuke had been too wrapped up in his quest for vengeance. He hadn’t given Jiraiya a mere thought. He only knew the dobe had been ecstatic to become his student, and when Naruto had revealed to have learned the rasengan from him Sasuke only had space inside of him to feel envy and resentment. After that, he’d left the village, never coming to witness the familiar bond that formed between Naruto and his teacher.

He pushed down the guilt of not being there for Naruto during that time and looked to the next picture but froze.

Of course, Sakura had this picture framed and hung on the wall. It was probably the only photo in existence of the four of them together. Team 7. Holding his cup in one hand, he reached out with the other towards the photo and softly skimmed the tips of his fingers down it, stopping at twelve-year-old Naruto.

Naruto had been insufferable at that age, wearing his ridiculous orange jumpsuit every day, fighting with Sasuke every chance he got, unabashedly flirting with Sakura even though he was shot down each time. But he had simply been just like Sasuke, a lonely child starved for attention. They simply had two distinct ways of expressing it; whereas Naruto actively sought out companionship, Sasuke rejected any that came his way. Of course, until Naruto had managed to squirm his way into his heart.

The soft smile on his face felt so foreign yet it didn’t surprise him because it was at Naruto’s expense. Only Naruto made these feelings inside of Sasuke bubble to the surface.

He remembered the day they took this photo like it’d been yesterday. He took a second to feel amusement at their blatant rivalry, shown by their scornful faces. How foolish they had been.

“I made us miso soup.”

He jumped at Sakura’s voice and dropped his hand to his side, so immersed in reminiscing that he hadn’t heard her approach him. She let out a quiet snort as she placed two bowls on the table and then walked over to him. Standing next to him, she wrapped her arms around one of his and leaned her head against it, turning to face the photo.

Sasuke tried not to stiffen. He wasn’t used to having affectionate friends, Team Taka being more about playful punches and shoves than hugs and caresses, but both Sakura and Naruto had always been this way when they were little. The only difference was that back then Naruto hadn’t shied away from Sasuke, unlike Sakura had. Now, however, she had no problem with cozying up to Sasuke, most likely because she saw him as a brother, as _family_ , not as a boy she claimed to be in love with. The thought alone was enough to relax Sasuke.

“It seems so long ago, huh?” she murmured gently.

“More like another lifetime,” he retorted.

Sakura hummed in agreement, lifting her head up to look at him. He looked back and saw nothing but genuine eyes. “You’re here now and that’s all that matters.”

With that, she stepped away from him and sat at the table, digging into her soup. He was left standing there dumbly.

How could Sakura act so nonchalant after everything he’d put her through?

“Sakura, I-” he swallowed, his throat suddenly thick.

Sakura quickly waved her hand in the air, “Oh hush and come eat your soup. It’s going to get cold.”

With a slight nod, he hurried and sat across from her.

He grabbed the bowl and brought it to his lips, sipping from the soup. It was warm and refreshing, better than most meals he had had on the road.

Sakura looked at him almost waiting as he finished. “So? Did you like it?”

“It was good,” he replied, never a man of many words but hoping it conveyed enough.

Sakura, apparently knowing this, preened at him, “I thought so. Ino is a better cook, but my miso soups are superior.”

He gave her one of his small, half-smiles then asked, “Where’s Ino anyways?”

She frowned, “She left last night for a mission. Won’t be back for a few days.”

Her sadness was unmissable and Sasuke was unsure on whether or not he should at least try to comfort her. Had he said he wasn’t the best with feelings?

All that he managed was, “I’m sorry. She’ll be back soon.”

Sakura sighed thoughtfully, “Yeah, I know… How are you, though?”

Sasuke stared at his bowl, absentmindedly running his thumb across the edges while his other hand rested loosely on the table, “I’m fine.”

A warm, soft touch made him lift his eyes up to see Sakura hesitantly grabbing his spare hand with those knowing eyes, “You don’t have to pretend with me, you know that, right?”

He tried to smile, but he just couldn’t fake it anymore. Sighing, he said, “I feel like an idiot.”

“You’re not an idiot, Sasuke-kun.”

“I am! What was I thinking? You didn’t see him, Sakura… He was so _angry_.”

Naruto’s face when Sasuke had told him he loved him kept flashing through Sasuke’s head, haunting him for the past two days.

“You did sorta wait until he got engaged to tell him how you feel.”

Sakura looked apologetically when Sasuke scowled at her.

“I know! I know… but I love him. I do. So much, Sakura, so much. It’s killing me.”

His hand was suddenly empty as Sakura abruptly let go of her hold to wipe at her cheeks. “Jeez, Sasuke-kun, you live your entire life without showing any emotions and now you’re suddenly a sap? Next time give a girl a warning before you drop the L bomb like that.”

Sasuke’s cheeks turned slightly pink, but he narrowed his eyes at Sakura, “You’re not seriously crying.”

“Shut up!” she sniffed, continuing to wipe away her overflowing tears, “I’m just so happy for you. I can’t believe you love him! I mean, I can, I just can’t believe you can actually say it, and that you _told_ him! To his face. You!”

He rolled his eyes, feeling embarrassed at all the fuzz. “If only Naruto would’ve reacted that way…”

At that, she grimaced, “He was really that angry, huh?”

“You have no idea,” Sasuke said, then tsked. “It’s my fault. He’s engaged. He’s with Gaara. I couldn’t expect him to run into my arms just because I laid myself fucking bare.”

There was a beat of silence before Sakura said, “Actually, you kinda did.”

His glare would’ve sent any other person screaming for their life, but Sakura laughed like she hadn’t just poured salt on his wound.

Her laugh quickly died down though when she noticed Sasuke’s eyes suddenly glazed over, as if he got lost in his thoughts. “What are you thinking about?”

“Nothing, nothing,” he mumbled, again thinking back to Naruto’s behavior.

He scratched at the side of his face as he replayed their conversation over and over again. Now that he thought about it, yes, Naruto had seemed extremely infuriated at Sasuke, but having a few days to digest everything, he realized that there had been something more in Naruto’s eyes. More in his words. The blond hadn’t just seemed angry at Sasuke, but at the world as well.

He thought back to the many times he’d seen Naruto so upset at someone, and while Sasuke acknowledged that Naruto had every reason in the world to want to beat the shit out of him, he hadn’t been the only person to piss off Naruto so much. Naruto had faced Obito, the one responsible for countless deaths, including his own parents’, yet Naruto hadn’t let his anger consume him to this level. Witnessing Naruto’s interactions with Obito had been enough to confirm what Sasuke had always believed: Naruto was simply too pure for this world.

The way Naruto had fought to save Obito from the person he had become. The way he’d so easily embraced him as an ally the second Obito switched sides. The way he’d defended Obito from Zetsu’s verbal attacks.

Any other person would’ve done the opposite. Sasuke himself had quite literally murdered Danzō, one of the parties responsible of the Uchiha clan massacre. There was no alternate universe where Sasuke could see himself forgiving and accepting Danzō. The mere thought made him want to gouge his own heart out.

He’d heard about how Shikamaru and the rest of Team 10, alongside Kakashi, had set out to avenge Asuma’s death and succeeded, Hidan and Kakuzu now long forgotten.

But Naruto had always had a rare gift of being able to look past all the hate and filth and tragedy of the world.

The Naruto he'd seen a few days ago seemed like he wanted to burn the entire world down without a second thought.

There _had_ to be something more. It couldn’t just be him. Naruto couldn’t just be reacting to Sasuke’s mistakes. 

“Sakura?”

Sakura hummed in response, but Sasuke hesitated before pressing on, “Naruto didn’t just seem unhappy with me. He looked… It just seemed like there was something more. Has anything happened to him in Konoha?”

Warily, she replied, “I don’t think so, but I do know what you mean. I’ve noticed it too. But it’s like I told you, he’s almost never here, and when he’s here it’s like he’s not, do you know what I mean? I can never get him to open up.”

Her face was contorted with hurt and puzzlement, until it settled into a pinched expression, “You could always ask Hinata. They’re practically attached at the hip.”

Sasuke balked, “Hinata? Hyūga Hinata?”

Now she sounded annoyed, “Do you know any other Hinata in Konoha?”

Only Naruto would run off and become best friends with his biggest fangirl. Although, Sasuke had been seeking shelter with his past two fangirls, so was he really in any position to judge?

Perhaps he would pay Hinata a visit, even if he couldn’t recall a single moment where he’d spoken to her.

Sasuke raised his eyebrows at Sakura’s attempt at suppressing her grudging tone, “Are you jealous of the Hyūga girl?”

Sakura’s cheeks had never resembled her hair more than they did in that moment as she spluttered out, “Don’t be so ridiculous! I’m not jealous of _her_!”

Sasuke casted her an unimpressed look until she cracked, moaning in slight embarrassment, “Alright, maybe I am, but you’d be too if you suddenly found yourself replaced! I thought I was his best friend – after you, of course – but now… Well, he clearly prefers her.”

“If it makes you feel any better, I’m pretty sure he kicked me off of that list a while ago. Your standing is higher than mine.”

There was a hint of mirth in Sakura’s verdant eyes as she bit her lip, “Sasuke-kun, I think that actually makes me feel worse.”

She sniggered when his face fell, clearly being delighted at poking fun at him. He took it in stride though, faintly satisfied at lifting her mood even if it had been at his expense.

“I meant to tell you,” Sakura changed the subject, “I’m going to be gone all day, but I already arranged for somebody to come and entertain you, unless you want to go try and talk to Naruto again.”

Now glowering, he said, “I don’t need a babysitter, Sakura, I’m fine.” And could they stop talking about Naruto already?

“Sure you are,” she chirped unaffected, grabbing their finished bowls and taking them over to the kitchen sink. “I just thought you’d like some company, that’s all. You haven’t really seen anybody besides me, Ino and Naruto,” she crossed her arms against her chest and raised an eyebrow at him, “If you’re serious about staying you should at least try to socialize with others.”

Sasuke had almost forgotten how easily Sakura had stepped into the motherly role back when he was a part of Team 7. It’d annoy him then and it still did now, just not as much. He knew it came from a good place.

Still, he just wanted to be left alone to lick his wounds a little longer. His talk with Naruto had been _brutal_.

Before he could say anything, there was a knock at the door.

“Oh, he’s here! For once he has perfect timing.”

That’s all Sakura had to say for Sasuke to know exactly who was at the other side of the door. He groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose and closing his eyes as he heard, “Good morning, Hokage-sama, I can’t believe you’re on time.”

“Sakura, I’ve told you, address me as you always have.”

Sasuke opened his eyes in time to see the sheepish smile on Sakura’s face as Kakashi walked in, his familiar mask in place. He spotted Sasuke at the dining table and his eyes crinkled up, “And I just couldn’t wait any longer to see my most precious student.”

Two years and Kakashi was still as sarcastic as ever. Sasuke scowled at him, “But Naruto isn’t here.”

Kakashi laughed at that, “Fair enough. It’s good to see you, Sasuke.”

Sasuke simply said, “Hn,” resisting the urge to roll his eyes at his former teacher.

It wasn’t that he didn’t like Kakashi – if anything, Sasuke had a newfound appreciation for him ever since the war – it was just that if anybody was going to chew his butt out for his mistakes it was Kakashi, and he was _really_ not in the mood. He’d already had enough of Ino’s chiding for the past few days.

After a beat of awkward silence Sakura clapped her hands together, “Well, I’ll leave you two to catch up before I’m late for work. Bye, Sasuke-kun, Kakashi-sensei!” and she practically sprinted out of the apartment.

Sasuke wished he could run out as well.

“When’s the last time you left the apartment? Sakura mentioned you were moping over a certain knucklehead.”

Sasuke had to physically fight the urge to stomp his foot like a child, “I’m not moping!” Then quietly added, “… two days.”

Kakashi raised his eyebrows, “Ah, I figured as much. Come, let’s go for a walk. I only have a few hours before I’m needed back at the office.”

Reluctantly, he stood up, knowing he had no other choice. Besides, who was to say the walk wouldn’t be pleasant? Perhaps being Hokage had made Kakashi less annoying.

Before they stepped out, Kakashi turned to him with a glint in his eyes, “You sure you don’t want to change before we go?”

Scratch that, Kakashi was still a dick.

* * *

It didn’t matter how much time passed, Sasuke would never get used to the stares. When he was a kid, they used to stare at him because he was Uchiha Sasuke, son of Uchiha Fugaku, the Uchiha clan leader. At eight years old, they used to stare at him because he was Uchiha Sasuke, sole survivor of the Uchiha clan massacre. After leaving the village, they used to stare at him because he was Uchiha Sasuke, Konoha’s rogue ninja. During the war, they used to stare at him because he was Uchiha Sasuke, S ranked worldwide criminal.

Now, what did they see? Did they still see the prodigal son? An orphan? A traitor? A criminal?

A fraud?

He knew it hadn’t been easy for Kakashi to grant Sasuke his freedom. He’d been met with pushback, since the council had wanted to imprison Sasuke, but Kakashi had barreled on and gone above and beyond for his old student, and in the end, it’d quite literally ended up saving Sasuke’s life.

He didn’t know what would’ve become of him if he’d spent the rest of his life in a jail cell, even though he knew he deserved it.

“You should've learned to ignore the stares by now,” Kakashi interrupted his thoughts from where he was walking beside Sasuke, hands in his pockets and looking extremely nonchalant.

Sasuke shrugged, keeping his eyes straight forward and on guard. The villagers were making him feel extremely uneased.

“You know, they’re probably paying more attention to their Hokage than to you.”

He knew Kakashi was attempting to take his mind off of everything, so he turned to him and smirked slightly.

“I bet you love being the center of attention, Kakashi.”

Kakashi snorted, “Almost as much as you do.”

His eyes crinkled at their sides, indicating he was smiling under his mask.

They continued to walk in silence for a while longer, Sasuke taking in all the changes. The first time he’d left he’d been so young and after Pain’s attack the village had had to rebuild, so it was like Sasuke was seeing an entirely new village.

“How does it feel to be home?” Kakashi asked.

Sasuke hesitated. “It feels… strange. I’ve only been here for a few days, but everything is so different.” He then added, “Even the people.”

Kakashi gave him a sideways glance, “You mean Naruto?”

Sasuke stopped walking to glare at Kakashi, “You didn’t tell me Naruto had struggled. I wrote to you and I specifically asked you to let me know if I was needed-”

“You asked to be notified if I required your assistance with village matters,” Kakashi interrupted, incredibly passive. “I didn’t realize that included Naruto.”

Sasuke’s fists clenched at his sides, “Of course it did! You knew. You _always_ knew.”

Sasuke didn’t have to elaborate on _what_ exactly Kakashi knew. It’d always been an unspoken conversation between them. How exactly Kakashi knew about Sasuke’s feelings for Naruto, he wasn’t sure. But, Kakashi knew, even before Sasuke had.

He distinctly remembered feeling confusion and frustration at Kakashi’s pointed question, _Sasuke, were you planning to kill Naruto?_ all those years ago at the top of the hospital. He could tell there was something more to his question, but at the moment he’d been too blind to see it.

Kakashi sighed and continued walking, lazily raising a hand over his shoulder to Sasuke without turning to look at him, “Come, let’s move this conversation somewhere else.”

Reluctantly, Sasuke trudged behind him with a scowl on his face. It wasn’t long until Sasuke realized that Kakashi was heading in direction to the Uchiha compound, or well, what was left of it.

Kakashi stopped at the entrance and waited for Sasuke to reach him. When he did, Kakashi pulled down his mask, and ran his hand down his face, stopping to scratch at his chin.

Sasuke restrained himself from reacting at seeing Kakashi’s face for the first time. He must have done so, knowing there were no other people around except them. Still, he was shocked, thinking back to all the times he, Naruto and Sakura had tried to do the impossible in order to get a glimpse of Kakashi’s face.

However, his face must’ve revealed something because Kakashi smirked – _was that a birthmark on his chin?_ – before pulling his mask back into place, “What did you think I had under the mask?”

After a beat of silence, Sasuke muttered, “Horse teeth.”

Kakashi chuckled, shaking his head, “Maa, I give you zero points for creativity.”

Scowl back in place, Sasuke defended, “I was twelve!”

Kakashi waved his hand and leaned back against a pillar with his arms across his chest, a serious expression back on his face, “Sasuke, I didn’t order you to come back because I didn’t think you needed to.”

“You didn’t think Naruto needed me?”

“That’s not what I said,” Kakashi said quickly, noting Sasuke’s rising anger. “I said I didn’t think _you_ needed to come back. At least not yet.”

At that, Sasuke simply said, “Hn,” waiting for Kakashi to elaborate.

“I know you’re expecting a lecture because you left and hurt Naruto, right?” Sasuke nodded tersely at Kakashi. “You’re not getting one from me. You left because you needed to. There’s nothing wrong with that. I knew the second I granted you your freedom you’d leave, in fact I was counting on it.”

Sasuke was shocked. All he’d heard from everybody was how big of an idiot he’d been for leaving two years ago. This was the first time anybody told him differently.

“You needed time to heal. You weren’t going to get it in Konoha. I know what it’s like to live with demons, Sasuke, and being here so soon after finding out the truth… I doubt it would’ve been easy.” He then exhaled, “Besides, you look better now, more alive, I mean, and you’re here in Konoha. Looks like it all worked out in the end, huh?” 

Sasuke didn’t know what to say. He felt oddly emotional at Kakashi being so damn understanding. It only amplified Sasuke’s guilt at leaving the village in the first place all those years ago. How different would his life had been if he’d stayed as Kakashi’s student?

Swallowing thickly, he managed to say, “Except Naruto doesn’t want anything to do with me.”

Kakashi’s eyes scrunched up, “Naruto feels the same as I do, even if he doesn’t know it yet. Give him time and he’ll come around.”

“How can you say that!” Sasuke spat out. “He wants me to leave Konoha and never come back!” Anger slowly deflating and leaving nothing but sadness, he muttered, “I can’t really blame him.”

Unexpectedly, Kakashi simply rolled his eyes and straightened up, hands back in his pockets, “Follow me.”

He sauntered inside the Uchiha Compound with seemingly no care in the world, but Sasuke caught the stiffness in his shoulders and wondered if he was being bombarded by memories of Obito.

With no other choice left, Sasuke followed him, again, feeling for the second time in the day like he was back to being twelve years old, following his sensei’s every order.

Seeing the destruction in broad daylight was entirely different from when he came here a few nights ago with Naruto. He’d heard of Pain’s destruction, but never actually saw it entirely since by the time he came back the village had already started to rebuild. But they hadn’t touched this area and of course Sasuke understood why.

The Uchiha Compound had been destroyed long before Pain’s attack, it just hadn’t been physically.

Besides, why rebuild it for ghosts?

Still, simply imagining the entire village wiped away the way the compound currently looked… It made Sasuke shudder now that he’d recovered his loyalty for Konoha.

And to think that Naruto had been the one to stop Pain…

Sasuke’s heart beat soundly with pride and admiration.

It wasn’t long until they were nearing the end of the compound, or so Sasuke thought, rounding the corner and coming face to face with a house standing where the wall that closed up the compound from the woods used to be.

Shell-shocked, Sasuke took it in, a pang of familiarity hitting at his chest. The house was designed in typical Uchiha fashion, but it’d been so long since Sasuke’d seen one that wasn’t in his dreams, that he could feel tears springing to his eyes.

Sakura was right. He’d only been a few days back in Konoha and already he’d turn into a sap.

Kakashi watched him as Sasuke walked over to the house and pressed a hand against the door, inhaling and exhaling slowly.

He turned his head over his shoulder and stared at Kakashi, “Is this mine?”

“That’s right,” Kakashi answered, quickly maneuvering a set of keys from his pocket and throwing them at Sasuke in lightning speed.

Any other ninja would’ve floundered, but Sasuke’s reflexes kicked in and he caught them without blinking an eye. He stared down at them in the palm of his hand, “How?”

“Naruto.”

Sasuke’s head snapped up immediately, eyebrows raised and dark eyes wide boring into Kakashi. “Naruto?”

Kakashi nodded, looking far too pleased for Sasuke’s liking. “About six months after I accepted the Hokage position, Naruto came barging into my office, insisting that I had to rebuild you a house, specifically in the Uchiha compound.”

“Six months?” Sasuke’s question was laced with utter surprise. “But six months after you became Hokage, I was already…”

“Gone,” Kakashi finished, still extremely smug. “Of course, that could only mean he hoped you’d come back one day.”

Sasuke was speechless.

“On second thought, I seem to remember saying something along the lines that you might never come back, and Naruto saying he absolutely _knew_ you would. Now, that doesn’t sound like somebody who wants you to leave Konoha for good, don’t you think?”

Completely in awe, Sasuke turned back to look at the house. The house Naruto fought for. His new home.

Could this become a home?

 _Usuratonkachi_ , Sasuke thought fondly, _every time I think I can’t love you more_ …

“I want you to join Anbu.”

Sasuke stood still, his eyes still trained on the house.

Kakashi continued, “It shouldn’t come as a shock. You’re one of the strongest ninjas in the world right now. I’d be a fool if I didn’t ask you to join.”

“I’m still a genin,” the argument sounded weak to his own ears.

“That’s not a problem. I think you’ve done enough to be promoted to jōnin, don’t you think?”

Sasuke still said nothing, and his silence was met with Kakashi’s sigh.

“Sasuke, I have a specific mission for you. There’s nobody else better suited. Truthfully, I need you.”

He’d be lying if he said he didn’t feel a twinge of satisfaction at having the Hokage beg for his help. But he didn’t like the idea of being tied down to Konoha. Not yet. Not when he didn’t even know where he stood with Naruto.

_But a specific mission…_

“Alright,” Sasuke turned around to nod smoothly at Kakashi, “But I don’t want a partner.”

Underneath his mask, Kakashi smirked, “Too bad, I’ve already assigned you one.”

“But you hadn’t even asked me.” He cocked his head to the side suspiciously, “You knew I’d say yes.”

Kakashi shrugged, pulling out his worn out _Make-Out Tactics_ from his pocket and beginning to read. “I knew I’d be able to convince you. The Anbu do protect the Hokage after all. I was sure you’d be interested in protecting our… _future_ Hokage.”

Sasuke felt a trickle of possessiveness flood his veins at the thought of anyone else but him protecting Naruto, and he knew that Kakashi had been right.

With that, Kakashi disappeared into a cloud of smoke.

Sasuke shook his head in slight exasperation before spinning back to face the house. He inhaled shakily, turning in the keys into the lock and stepping into the home.

His home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> am i the only excited for anbu sasuke???? any ideas for who his partner will be?? i have a feeling you'll be surprised... ;) 
> 
> also isn't naruto so cute? always believing in sasuke *sigh*
> 
> next chapter will be naruto's pov *screams* i'm very excited, so far it's around 6k words so it'll be a long one, you'll finally get an explanation of naruto's feelings + gaara is making an appearance <333 i love my kazekage sm even if he might or might not get the short end of the stick in this fic... :(
> 
> lmk your thoughts, they make me so happy to read!!!


	5. You just don't love me.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _But, looking into Gaara’s eyes, maybe it was for the best that Naruto never told Sasuke he loved him, because now he wasn’t sure what love really was._
> 
> _Wasn’t it screaming out_ you bastard _and godly punches and punctured lungs and swollen shut eyes and almost blasted off arms?_
> 
> _Had he ever been in love with Sasuke?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, this chapter is A LOT. seriously, it was driving me insane. i just felt a lot of pressure for it to be perfect haha and like i had to articulate all of naruto's feelings in the best way possible??? but yeah, this is the result. this won't be the last time we'll see naruto's POV, since this fic is about naruto and sasuke dealing with their respective demons and healing before being together. 
> 
> i hope you enjoy this chapter, even if it's completely Naruto/Gaara. 
> 
> remember, i did warn u guys from the start that naruto has a mess... he's clearly not making the right decisions lmao. enjoy!!
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.

**Chapter Five**

_Kakashi is going to kill me_ , Naruto moaned internally.

He was exhausted. He’d just finished letting off some steam in one of the abandoned training grounds, but the result was… catastrophic. It’d ended up completely destroyed. Kakashi would not be happy about this, but there was only a small part of Naruto that cared. He’d needed this, to let out all of his frustrations that had built up inside him since the moment Sasuke had stepped foot inside the village.

Besides himself, Naruto could bet that the only ones who knew of Sasuke’s presence were Sakura and Ino, and Naruto was still pretty miffed at that. He expected Sakura to greet Sasuke with open arms, but Ino? No.

He specifically only confided in Ino because she could understand what he was going through two years ago. Sure, it was a little awkward because Ino was pining over Sakura who was pining over the same man that Naruto was pining over, but they’d gotten each other through it.

In fact, if it weren’t for Naruto’s push, Ino would’ve never confessed to Sakura and Sakura wouldn’t have realized she had untapped feelings for Ino.

So yes, Naruto expected a little bit of loyalty from her part. He was very much aware that he was acting like a brat, but he didn’t care. When it came to Sasuke, Naruto had no control over his feelings or actions.

The day Sakura visited him at his apartment to tell him Sasuke was coming back, Naruto had been instantly suspicious. Sakura rarely visited Naruto anymore, always coped up in the hospital or in her apartment with Ino. Naruto didn’t blame her. He’d be the same if he were in her shoes. Besides, they tried to meet and catch up over lunch or dinner at least twice a week, so it wasn’t like they didn’t see each other, they simply didn’t have enough time to actually show up at each other’s doorsteps.

So, when he’d heard a soft, fluttery knock at his door and opened it to the sight of the pink haired kunoichi, he knew something was up. Even if that wasn’t the case, her nervous expression and fidgeting hands would’ve ratted her out anyways. It wasn’t until Naruto had demanded _alright, out with it, what’s going on?_ that Sakura had blurted out that Sasuke was on his way back to Konoha.

Naruto would’ve been lying if he said his heart didn’t instantly ache at the mere mention of Sasuke, let alone at the fact that he was going to see him after two years. But that familiar pull only lasted for a second before he felt it snap harshly, bitterness instantly swarming his entire being.

At one point, Naruto would’ve lived and died for Sasuke. Would’ve chased him across the world – which he had – if that was what it took to bring him back – which it hadn’t – and have him home. Would’ve cut himself open to empty himself out in order to fill himself of Sasuke and everything that came with him. And maybe that had been the problem. Naruto had been too much. Had expected too much. Had unfairly burdened Sasuke with too much.

Naruto had loved him too much. Had loved him to a point where the day he had handed Sasuke his hitai-ate, the one Naruto kept for years like a lovesick fool, and watched him walk away _again_ he’d quite literally felt the last shred of light in his life dim completely, leaving him wandering alone in utter darkness.

It’d been _too much_. He’d been watching Sasuke leave him for his entire life. It didn’t matter what Naruto did; nothing was ever good enough to make Sasuke stay. _Naruto_ wasn’t good enough. And after the war, when Naruto was left questioning every single one of his beliefs, questioning his dream, questioning what it meant to be a Shinobi, questioning the entire universe, the thought that Sasuke was _finally_ home – that he didn’t have to keep chasing him, that he was going to be by Naruto’s side so Naruto didn’t need to figure everything out by himself – had made Naruto feel _safe_. Like everything would be alright.

How stupid he’d been.

It wasn’t like he’d expected Sasuke to fix his problems or be the solution to them. Sasuke wasn’t a miracle worker. Naruto was a grown man. He knew his problems were his own to solve, and that it wasn’t fair to lay the responsibility on another person, much less Sasuke, who Naruto had come to realize he had placed on a pedestal. But Naruto was human, and humans fell in love, and Naruto had fallen for Sasuke.

Wasn’t it completely normal to feel heartbroken over Sasuke’s abandonment? 

He hadn’t known if Sasuke reciprocated his feelings, and if Sasuke hadn’t that would’ve been fine, because Naruto would’ve settled with simply having Sasuke as a friend. As his best friend. He wasn’t hurt over not being able to be with Sasuke romantically. He was hurt because, no matter what he did, Sasuke always left him behind.

Sasuke had left, and to a certain point Naruto understood, he didn’t think he’d be able to stomach living in the village for a while either if the roles were reversed. But why abandon Naruto? Why not ask him to join him? Why did Sasuke, and honestly everybody else, believe they knew what was best for Naruto? What Naruto really wanted?

Because if anybody had simply taken a closer look into Naruto’s eyes, they would’ve seen the anguish and torment that was bubbling inside him. If Sasuke hadn’t been in a rush to leave, he would’ve seen it. He would’ve asked, and Naruto would’ve confessed everything.

That he didn’t want to be Hokage anymore.

That he didn’t believe in the Shinobi system.

That he didn’t think it was something he was capable of fixing in the future. That he was _angry, furious, enraged_ at the amount of broken people that came out of the system. That he’d finally started to question everything. Why he had been so abused and neglected when he’d only been a child. Why the Third Hokage had promised to take care of him but had done the opposite. Why Kakashi-sensei, being his father’s student, had never reached out until he was placed on his team. Why it took Ero-Sennin twelve years to pop into his life.

Why Sasuke, another orphan, had been abandoned and tossed to the side, just like he’d been. 

How was any of that okay? How had all of these people – aware of the state of Naruto and Sasuke’s lives – been able to live with themselves?

And then the thought of all of the new orphans now scattered across the nations as a result of the fourth war had been the final straw for Naruto. He’d fallen into a consuming depression he never thought he’d get out of, and the worst part was that he hadn’t _minded_.

Until one day, light taps of sand on his window had woken him up from a nap, and the sight of Gaara standing on the other side of it, a small, worried smile on his lips, had been the first time in months that Naruto had seen a flicker of light in his black world.

Word had reached him of Naruto’s state – he figured it had to have been Kakashi or Sakura – and he’d seemingly cleared his schedule for a few days to help his friend. It had taken a bit of coaxing, but eventually Gaara managed to pull Naruto out of bed. Managed to shove him into the shower by force. Managed to drag him to Ichiraku’s and force fed him three bowls of Ramen.

Managed to brighten Naruto’s world little by little.

And when Gaara had to leave a few days afterwards, being Kazekage and everything, he made Naruto promise him that he’d visit Suna the following week. After that first visit, Naruto couldn’t stop himself from going.

It wasn’t because of Suna – although it was a lovely village, Naruto would always prefer the breeze and warmth and green of Konoha – but because of Gaara, who managed to see past Naruto’s façade and coaxed his true feelings out with soothing words and serious, understanding eyes.

Once Naruto had gotten the first word out, it was like a tsunami had poured out of him. All the words and emotions and tears had flooded out of him like he had no choice, and truthfully, he hadn’t, because Gaara had broken open the gate to Naruto’s heart.

Of course, Gaara’s solution to Naruto’s problem had been a simple, _don’t be Hokage then_. Except, it wasn’t that simple.

For as long as he remembered, being Hokage was everything he’d dreamed of. It was the fire inside of Naruto that pushed him to keep going. When the villagers snarled at him, he’d said to himself, _when I become Hokage they’ll never look at me this way again_. When the other children at the Academy made fun of him, he’d said to himself, _when I become Hokage they’ll never talk to me this way again_.

Even with Sasuke, when he’d spoken of a revolution and rebuilding the Shinobi system and then left the village again, he’d said to himself, _when I become Hokage Sasuke will never leave me again_.

Which had been a pretty idiotic thought. Becoming Hokage wouldn’t make Sasuke stay, because Naruto had eventually realized that there was nothing in Konoha to make Sasuke stay, not even Naruto. Dreams of one day being able to walk beside Sasuke, holding his hand proudly, turning to kiss him in front of everybody, meeting those onyx eyes of his only to see love reflected back at him, had all been in vain. Sasuke was never going to love him – or so he thought – and Naruto was never going to be able to create a system that would make Sasuke stay.

Besides, Naruto didn’t even want to anymore. Not for Sasuke, but not even for himself either. Not for anybody. Naruto just didn’t think it was possible. Didn’t think it was worth it.

So no, Naruto wasn’t going to be Hokage anymore. But who was he if he wasn’t the cheerful, hyperactive, knucklehead ninja that proclaimed to the world that he was going to be Hokage?

Naruto hadn’t known anymore. He’d felt… lost.

He still did.

On top of that, how was he supposed to explain his decision to everybody? Especially to Kakashi and the council. The second the war had ended Naruto had been snatched up to commence the grooming process for his future as Hokage. He knew that Kakashi was planning on dragging out his reign as long as he could to give Naruto more time to live his young years, but he didn’t think it’d be much, considering the grey-haired ninja absolutely detested being Hokage himself. On some days he looked at Naruto like he wanted to place the Hokage hat on his yellow spikes and disappear out the window.

He didn’t want to disappoint everybody who looked up to him and expected him to be a hero. Just the mere image of their disappointed faces made his gut twitch. Who else would be Hokage if not Naruto? Who else would protect the village like Naruto could.

And for his excuse to simply be a selfish case of not wanting it anymore? He just couldn’t bear it. Couldn’t bear to even imagine what they’d think of him.

He’d been in the middle of explaining his inner turmoil to Gaara when the Kazekage had abruptly leaned in and kissed Naruto.

Even thinking about it now on his walk back home, Naruto still felt the flutters of nervous and uncertain butterflies in his stomach.

With a hand pressed against his lips, he thought back to that moment.

* * *

_Gaara’s lips were warm, pressing against his own almost hesitantly, but oh, so gentle. Before Naruto could even react and possibly kiss back, Gaara was pulling away, eyes still closed unlike Naruto’s that were wide and dumbstruck._

_When green finally met blue, Naruto physically flinched at the clear display of longing and want in Gaara’s eyes. He’d never seen that in them before, maybe because he hadn’t paid much attention, since the thought of Gaara, or well, anybody really, interested in Naruto seemed preposterous to him._

_But there was no denying the emotions vibrating out of Gaara, all directed at Naruto._

_“Gaara,” he whispered, eyes darting all over Gaara’s face trying to figure out how on Earth he’d miss this._

_Gaara simply smiled shyly, warming Naruto from head to toe because he’d never seen this expression on Gaara’s face before. He never thought Gaara was even capable of displaying this amount of emotion. He was similar to Sasuke in that way._

_Fuck, why was he thinking about Sasuke when Gaara had just kissed him!_

_“Can I kiss you again?” Gaara asked this time. His deep voice sounded so uncharacteristically with those words coming out of his mouth. It made slight goosebumps form on Naruto’s skin._

_“O-Okay, sure,” Naruto managed to squeak out, still completely stunned and not really sure of what was going on or if he even wanted to kiss Gaara, but he’d never really kissed anybody before, except Sasuke, but the first two times it’d been on accident and the third time he’d been thoroughly wasted. Plus, Sasuke had rejected him the next day._

_So, clearly, Naruto didn’t have the best of luck in the kissing department._

_But Gaara’s kiss had been soft and kind of pleasant, and Naruto didn’t mind trying it out again, this time aiming to be more enthusiastic about it._

_Gaara reached out to grip Naruto’s shoulder, “Don’t be nervous, it’s just me.”_

_With a shaky nod, Naruto licked his lips and closed his eyes as Gaara leaned in and placed another delicate butterfly of a kiss to Naruto’s mouth. Naruto pressed forward almost hurriedly, bumping noses with Gaara and inwardly cringing at his blatant act of inexperience. Gaara, however, smiled against his lips and pulled away slightly before leaning in again, pecking Naruto’s mouth timidly._

He’s nervous too _, Naruto thought, and he instantly felt his body loosen._ This must be Gaara’s first real kiss as well _. With his nerves more or less out of the window, he cupped the back of Gaara’s neck and surged forward, giving Gaara an open-mouthed kiss that made Gaara moan lowly, the sound reaching all the way to Naruto’s groin._

 _He didn’t need to look at himself to know how flushed his face was as Gaara slid his tongue against his. Their slow exploration of each other’s mouths made Naruto want_ more _. He moved his body closer to Gaara and let go of his neck in favor of wrapping his arms around it. Gaara had let go of the iron grip he had on Naruto’s shoulder, arms now almost hugging Naruto by his waist and tugging him closer._

_Their kiss was still slow and graceful, but Naruto didn’t mind, it made him feel toasty and comfortable, but he wondered what it’d be like to kiss Sasuke._

_Would their kiss be just like this, careful and soft?_ No _, Naruto thought,_ it would be more like a representation of them. _It would be hot and passionate and intense. It would completely ruin Naruto, and for a second he was glad he was kissing Gaara before_ really _kissing Sasuke, because he suspected that he wouldn’t be able to kiss anybody else after kissing Sasuke._

_After tasting Sasuke’s mouth. Feeling the press of his tongue. Pulling at his pink lips._

Fuck _, he was doing it again. He was thinking about Sasuke. No, he was thinking about kissing Sasuke when he was kissing somebody else._

_Almost painfully, he pulled away from Gaara’s lips. Gaara stared at him, seemingly a little bit shocked at their kiss being cut short, lips still half pursed._

_Naruto took a moment to look at Gaara, really look at him. He really was attractive. In fact, Naruto was pretty sure he’d never looked hotter, and he couldn’t believe he’d never stopped to really physically admire one of his closest friends. His hair was incredibly long but not too long, spikes pointing downwards and almost covering his emerald eyes. The red tattoo above his eye glared at Naruto, and he impulsively reached out to softly run the back of his fingers against it. The contrast of his tan fingers with Gaara’s pale skin only made him think of Sasuke, and he scrunched his eyes in frustration._

_Even with Sasuke gone, he could never escape him._

_“Naruto, are you okay? Was that bad?”_

_Gaara’s worried tone reached Naruto’s ears and he quickly opened his eyes again, feeling guilt at the uncertain look on Gaara’s face._

_“No, no, I mean I’m alright,” he rushed out. “Gaara, that was… really nice.”_

_And it had been, he wasn’t lying to Gaara. He’d liked kissing him, but Sasuke…_

_Gaara let out a little relieved sigh and grabbed Naruto’s hand, “I thought so too.”_

_Then he added, “I think we should get married.”_

_Naruto froze, all of the air leaving his body. “You’re kidding, right?”_

_Gaara chuckled and shook his head, “No, I’m not.”_

_Naruto hastily stood up from his couch, putting as much distance as possible between him and Gaara. “You are out of your mind,” he spat out, hurt that Gaara would even joke about something like this._

_Gaara stayed seated, but his eyes were hard, locked onto Naruto, “You really think so low of me?”_

_Trapped under his piercing gaze, Naruto floundered, crossing his arms against his chest and sticking his chin out, “Then tell me what the hell you’re talking about because it all sounds like a joke to me.”_

_Gaara sighed, like Naruto was a child and Gaara was tired of having to explain the same thing over and over again, “You can’t be Hokage if you’re married to the Kazekage.”_

_“What are you-” Naruto started, but then quickly closed his mouth, analyzing Gaara’s words. He was… right._

_“But, Gaara, we’re not…”_ Dating, together, in love.

_“We could be,” Gaara finished his thought, knowing exactly what Naruto was thinking._

_“I don’t understand,” Naruto shook his head in confusion, still not completely wrapping his head around Gaara’s suggestion. “Are you saying that you… like me?”_

_At that, Gaara stood up and walked over to where Naruto was standing. He reached out hesitantly to cup Naruto’s cheek, gliding his thumb across Naruto’s whiskers. “Uzumaki Naruto,” he murmured, almost like a prayer._

_Naruto didn’t think he’d ever felt so precious before._

_“I don’t like you. I love you.” Naruto’s breath caught in his throat. “I think I’ve loved you since the day you crawled your injured body over to mine, telling me you understood my pain. You were my first friend and you’ve become my most precious person. I am in love with you and I would marry you if it meant helping you in any way, even if you can never love me back, because I’ve only loved you for the last five years of my life and I’m absolutely certain that it’ll only ever be you. You are it for me.”_

Love… He loves me _, Naruto thought,_ he really loves me _. But what did that even mean? Naruto thought he knew what being in love was like. It was chasing down Sasuke to the ends of the earth. Almost dying multiple times at Sasuke’s hand. Having to watch Sasuke’s back distance itself further and further away from his view until he disappeared while Naruto could do nothing but remain rooted to the ground._

 _It was sleepless nights plagued by thoughts of Sasuke and frustrated tears and never being able to_ fucking reach _Sasuke and constantly waiting, fearing for the news that he was dead, that he’d been killed and Naruto hadn’t been there to save him, hadn’t been able to keep his promise to Sakura, hadn’t been able to tell Sasuke he loved him._

_But, looking into Gaara’s eyes, maybe it was for the best that Naruto never told Sasuke he loved him, because now he wasn’t sure what love really was._

_Wasn’t it screaming out_ you bastard _and godly punches and punctured lungs and swollen shut eyes and almost blasted off arms?_

_H_ _ad he ever been in love with Sasuke?_

_Yes. No. Perhaps not. He wasn’t sure. He wasn’t sure about anything anymore._

_What he was sure about was that the red-haired man standing in front of him did love him, and although it was in a way that Naruto couldn’t quite comprehend yet, he had no doubt in his mind that it was as real as anything he’d ever witnessed before._

_However, he didn’t reciprocate Gaara’s feelings. He wished he could, but as confused as he was about Sasuke, he was still latched onto his heart._

_“Gaara,” he started, reaching out with both hands to Gaara’s hold on his face, “I-I don’t know what to say. I had no idea you felt this way… Honestly, I don’t think I’m even worthy. You’re so amazing, Gaara. You’re one of the best people I know. But you deserve somebody who will love you back and I’m just… I’m not in the headspace right now to open my heart to anybody.”_

_“Because of Sasuke?” The question came out dripping in pain._

_Naruto sighed, chewing on his bottom lip for a second before shaking his head, “Not exactly. I don’t think I feel anything for him anymore, but, Gaara, I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to love somebody that way. I really don’t even know who I am anymore. I’m a mess. I-I’m just a huge fucking mess.”_

_There were hot tears prickling at his eyes and before he knew it, they poured out, but Naruto made no move to wipe them away and neither did Gaara. Instead, his spare hand clasped the back of Naruto’s head firmly. “Let me do this for you then, Naruto. Let me take you out of Konoha because I know you’ll never leave on your own.”_

_“Gaara,” Naruto wheezed, tasting his tears on his lips, “I can’t ask this from you, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t-”_

_“Naruto,” his voice was soft, but commanding, and suddenly it wasn’t his friend standing in front of him but the Kazekage of Suna, the powerful, protective, untouchable man that Naruto had come to know, and his resolve had never weakened so fast before. “Let me help you heal.”_

_That’s all it took for Naruto to choke on a sob, falling instantly into Gaara’s arms and crushing his face against his neck. Gaara held him firmly, steadily, and Naruto welcomed the feeling of safety._

* * *

He’d been with Gaara ever since. They had an… interesting relationship. Naruto supposed they were dating, although it was all sorta confusing, since Naruto had made it clear from the start that he would never be able to love Gaara _that_ way. But he liked Gaara. _Really_ liked him. Also, it helped that the Kazekage was insanely hot, like seriously, he made Naruto swoon ninety percent of the time. Sometimes they’d crawl into bed together and kiss each other sweetly until one of them fell asleep. Naruto had always been an overly affectionate person, ever since he was younger, so he’d grab Gaara’s hand or caress his face or bury his face in Gaara’s neck when they embraced.

It was nice. Soft. Comfortable. _Safe_.

Naruto couldn’t ask for anything more. He saw Gaara as his forever companion. Other than that, he didn’t really want to label it. But to everybody else, Gaara was his fiancé. They were going to get married in two weeks. It was going to be a small, private ceremony. Up until that moment, the only ones who knew were Kakashi and Hinata. He’d told Hinata because – in a surprising turn of events – she had turned into his most trustworthy friend. Kakashi, on the hand, he’d told because he was the Hokage, and although Naruto hadn’t gotten the guts to tell Kakashi yet about his plans to reside in Suna, he figured that inviting him to his wedding was a good start.

Naruto had to stifle a sigh. Everything had turned into such a mess. Was he doing what was right? Why couldn’t he just say what he wanted? What was he so afraid of?

When had he turned into such a coward?

Then, of course, there was the fact that Uchiha Sasuke had decided to waltz back into the village at the worst possible moment and say everything Naruto had ever dreamed of hearing. But not even in his dreams could he have imagined how detached he would feel at hearing Sasuke say he loved him. To Naruto, it really felt like it’d gone in through one ear and out the other. He hadn’t felt anything. So many years picturing those three words coming out of Sasuke’s mouth… Naruto knew the magnitude of Sasuke’s confession, because if Uchiha Sasuke said he loved somebody, he meant it. Naruto knew there wasn’t a single person left alive who had heard those words from Sasuke. Who would feel what it was like to be _loved_ by Sasuke. 

But Naruto didn’t want it. Not anymore.

Sasuke and his love confession felt so meaningless in the grand scheme of things. Naruto had bigger, more demanding problems than Sasuke. The bastard had even had the audacity to believe that Naruto’s anger and resentment was just because of him. It wasn’t until the end of their conversation that Sasuke had realized that there was something more going on with Naruto.

_As if the world revolves around you, Uchiha._

Perhaps that wasn’t fair, since at one-point Naruto’s world _had_ revolved around Sasuke, but whatever, he wasn’t going to start admitting anything.

The point of the matter was that, more than ever before, Naruto had needed his friend, but Sasuke hadn’t been there for him. He was aware that, at the end of the day, nobody owes anybody anything, but it still wasn’t going to stop him from feeling bitter and from wanting nothing to do with Sasuke.

And if Sasuke had a problem with that, then that was too damn bad.

As he neared his apartment, his thoughts drifted to his fiancé. He wondered what Gaara was doing, if he was safe, if he was thinking about him. What would he say once he found out that Sasuke was back? Sasuke was still a relatively sensitive subject, what with Gaara knowing that Naruto spent the better part of seventeen years in love with him, meanwhile ignorant to Gaara’s feelings for him.

In the end, however, it’d all worked out, because Sasuke had left and Naruto had accepted Gaara’s proposal, although not for the reasons everybody thought…

Shrugging those thoughts away, he found himself already at his front door and unlocked it, stepping into the apartment with a loud sigh. He clumsily removed his sandals and kicked them to a corner, deciding to pick them up later.

He scratched at his stomach and yawned, walking into his living room and stopping dead in his tracks at the sight of the person sitting on his couch.

“Hi,” was all the Kazekage said, voice deep and raspy, bringing a grin to Naruto’s face.

“Red!” he exclaimed, running into Gaara’s arms as he stood up, almost stumbling in Naruto’s haste.

He caught him in his arms though, wrapping them tightly across Naruto’s shoulders. Naruto pressed his face into his neck and took a second to take in the smell of Gaara. He smelled of sand – warmth and clean and refreshing – with a small hint of a scent that was exclusively Gaara. It made Naruto nuzzle in closer.

Gaara lifted his hands to the sides of Naruto’s head to cradle him and kissed Naruto’s temple, pressing against it, “I told you to stop calling me that.” 

“When are you going to stop pretending you don’t like it? You don’t fool me, Kazekage-sama,” Naruto pulled back enough to look into Gaara’s green eyes, those eyes that reminded him of summertime, of the way the sun beats down on every leaf of every tree in the forests.

Gaara huffed, amusement dancing in his eyes, “Red it is then.”

Naruto laughed, loud and bright, and he was struck with the realization that he hadn’t laughed this genuine in a long time, probably since after the war. Huh.

Feeling brave, Naruto quickly pecked the corner of Gaara’s mouth and murmured, “’m missed you.”

Gaara’s eyes went slightly wide, surprised at Naruto’s rare show of affection. Sure, Naruto touched and hugged him all the time, but barely initiated kisses and Gaara never pushed, since their relationship was complicated.

The shock quickly warped into contentedness, a small smile forming on Gaara’s lips, but Naruto knew that was Gaara’s ultimate expression of happiness. “I missed _you_ , very much.” He suddenly took a sniff of Naruto and asked, “Where are you coming from? You smell… interesting.”

Naruto spluttered, shoving at Gaara’s chest to get out of his hold, but Naruto suddenly felt sand pushing against his back and him into Gaara.

“Hey, that’s cheating! Asshole!”

Gaara chuckled quietly and gave Naruto another kiss, this time a chaste one on his lips. Naruto stayed stunned for a second but gave Gaara a shy smile when he pulled back.

“I’m just teasing you. You smell fine like you always do.”

Naruto rolled his eyes teasingly, “Yeah yeah, you dork. I was going to shower, but _someone_ decided to surprise me. What are you even doing here? It was my turn to visit and it wasn’t for another week.” At the sight of Gaara’s face slightly falling Naruto quickly added, “Not that I don’t mind! I love seeing you, Gaara.”

Gaara nodded at the reassurance but hesitated in answering. He settled with, “I just felt like seeing you.”

He wouldn’t meet Naruto’s eyes when he said it and that’s when everything clicked inside Naruto’s head.

He narrowed his eyes at Gaara and shrugged out of his hold, taking a few steps back. This time Gaara didn’t pull him back in.

Naruto’s tone was cold, “How’d you find out?”

No reason beating around the bush anymore. Naruto knew why Gaara was suddenly here and he felt anger at Gaara’s deceit.

However, Gaara didn’t even look apologetic. “Does it matter? You should’ve told me.”

Naruto balked at his accusing tone, face slowly growing hot. “He just got here, like three or four days ago! I figured I’d tell you about it next week… Wait, it’s a three-day trip from Suna to Konoha. How exactly did you get here so fast?”

Gaara shrugged, “I hurried.”

That’s when Naruto noticed the bags under Gaara’s eyes, more present than usual, and felt a pang of sadness. “Gaara… you must’ve barely slept. Why would you do all that? It’s just Sasuke…”

His stare was icy, “You know he’s not just Sasuke.”

Naruto said nothing at that, feeling that familiar guilt seeping through his body. At times like these was when he felt like the biggest jerk in the world for accepting Gaara’s proposal, knowing he didn’t feel the same way the redhead did.

Gaara had insisted that he would be fine with his feelings never truly being returned, that he’d be content with just having Naruto by his side, in whichever way was possible.

But seeing Gaara struck with fear at the possibility of losing him made a deep ache settle in Naruto’s chest. Gaara didn’t deserve this, this half-way relationship with Naruto, but he was too selfish to let him go, too scared to face life without Gaara by his side because the last time he had he’d almost been consumed by darkness.

“Have you seen him?” Gaara’s face remained emotionless, but Naruto knew better. He caught the slight tremble in Gaara’s hands.

“Yes…” Naruto sighed as he bit his lip, idly scratching the back of his head, “but it’s not what you think! Nothing happened! _He_ came to _me_.”

“So what did happen, Naru?”

“N-Nothing, really! We just talked, that’s it,” it came out feebly, and he didn’t understand why. He wasn’t lying. Nothing happened. So why did he feel so guilty? Why did he feel like he was hiding something from Gaara?

Well, technically he was…

Gaara’s eyes suddenly hardened, “You’re lying. What are you hiding?”

Damn him for being able to read Naruto like a book. Although, Naruto knew it was more his fault than Gaara’s. He’d always been told that his emotions were blatantly plastered on his face.

Naruto sucked in breath, crawling his hand up to tug at his hair before dropping it to his side, “He just said some things.”

“What things?” the Kazekage was suddenly giving off murderous vibes, a dark, eerie glint in his eyes. “Did he hurt you?”

Naruto raised his eyebrows in alarm, but Gaara must’ve taken that as a confirmation because he closed his eyes, took a deep breath and then opened them again, “I’m going to kill him.”

“No, Gaara, stop! He didn’t hurt me! He just said he loved me!” the words rushed out of Naruto like a wave, and they seemed to have dragged Gaara with them because the redhead suddenly looked like he was drowning. He looked devastated.

“He what?” 

There was silence before Naruto could come up with an answer, “It didn’t mean anything to me.”

“Really?” Gaara sounded incredulous. “You told me you loved him for your entire life–” Naruto opened his mouth to protest, but Gaara silenced him with his eyes and continued, “and you expect me to believe it didn’t mean anything? Naruto, you hurt me. How dare you take me as a fool?”

“That’s not what I’m trying to do! Hear me out,” Naruto pleaded miserably. “I’m not lying to you- I would never lie to you, you know that! Sasuke is ancient history!”

Gaara crossed his arms against his chest and turned his head to the side, avoiding Naruto’s gaze. Naruto stared helplessly at his side profile, the way his jawline looked like chiseled marble. He wanted to press a kiss against it and forget this entire conversation.

“It doesn’t sound like it’s ancient history. He loves you, Naruto.” Even Gaara knew the implications behind that. The _danger_. Sasuke had really dropped the bomb of the century with no care about who got blasted away. 

“Gaara…” Naruto started, stepping closer to him, “I’m marrying _you_. Sasuke doesn’t matter to me that way anymore. I don’t know how else I can say it.” 

“Are you sure about that, Naru?” The pain in his voice was evident and it made Naruto swallow harshly. “Do you still want to marry me?”

“ _Yes, yes, yes_ ,” he rushed out, stepping into Gaara’s comfort zone and grabbing him by his shoulders, shaking him slightly to make Gaara meet his gaze. “It’s you I want to marry. Nothing’s changed, okay?”

Gaara said nothing and his eyes didn’t reveal anything either, so Naruto was left clutching at him almost desperately, until Gaara finally said, “We should move the wedding.”

“Wait, what!” Naruto practically yelled. “Hold on a second, Gaara–”

Gaara interrupted him with a shake of his head. Naruto felt his stomach drop.

“You know how I feel about you, Naruto, just like I know how you feel about Sasuke.”

“ _Felt_ , Gaara, _felt_! I don’t feel that way about Sasuke anymore!”

How was this happening? One second Gaara was kissing him and the next he was moving the wedding?

“Okay, let’s say you don’t feel anything for Sasuke anymore. What about me? How do you feel about me?”

Naruto instantly stiffened, his voice coming out shakily, “You’re being unfair. You said I didn’t have to be in love with you. You said–”

“So, you’re not?” Gaara asked flatly.

Naruto splayed his fingers out in a fan against his stomach, “Gaara, I… I like you, Gaara. I really like you. I like kissing you and…” his face was burning red, but he continued, “I care about you more than anybody else. You’re one of my precious people. I-I just…”

Gaara closed his eyes and let out a breath, “You just don’t love me.”

“Where is this coming from! This is suddenly a problem now that Sasuke’s back in the village? What the fuck!”

“Naruto, I told you that you didn’t have to be in love with me, that’s fine, but I can’t marry you if you’re in love with somebody else. It’s me or nobody else, but I’m not going to be with you if your heart belongs to another. I want to help you with what you’re going through, but not at the expense of my own heart.”

Naruto couldn’t say anything to that. He was the selfish one, not Gaara. It was perfectly okay for Gaara to protect himself. But how could he convince Gaara that he didn’t feel anything for Sasuke?

Wobbly and looking down at his feet, Naruto asked, “How far back do you want to push it?”

“We could get married in the winter.”

“But winter is almost two months away!”

“Naruto, if you don’t have any feelings for Sasuke now you won’t have any in two months.”

He wanted to fight Gaara on this, but he knew it would be in vain. When Gaara made his mind up, he never faltered. Naruto had always admired the trait, but for the first time he resented it. With a resolved sigh, Naruto nodded.

Gaara must’ve taken pity on him, because his eyes softened slightly as he wrapped his arms around Naruto’s shoulders. Naruto felt himself physically melt into the embrace, closing his eyes and welcoming the feeling of relief that was flooding his body. Gaara pressed a soft kiss into the side of Naruto’s head and whispered, “I believe you. Just trust me on this, alright?”

Naruto mumbled quietly, “Okay,” and then Gaara was releasing him, a soft smile on his lips. He stepped back but reached out to gently run the tips of his fingers against Naruto’s cheek, “I have to go now. I wasn’t supposed to leave, but I just had to come see you, even if it was only for a little bit.”

Naruto leaned into Gaara’s touch slightly and tried not to sound too sad, “I get it, duty calls.”

There was fondness in Gaara’s eyes before he leaned in to kiss Naruto’s cheek. After that, he was gone.

Naruto was left standing dumbly in his living room, feeling like the ground was crumbling beneath him.

Why did everything feel like such a mess?

And worst of all, deep down inside, Naruto knew it was entirely his fault.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, naruto :/ that hero complex really snowballed into this disaster lmao. 
> 
> pleaseeeee tell me what u guys think!!! i've been very nervous to reveal everything inside naruto's head so i'd love to know your thoughts. were u expecting this??? what are ur thoughts on the whole gaara situation??? on naruto not wanting to be hokage??? 
> 
> obviously naruto has a lot to work on and no, sasuke will not fix his problems for him. it's all on naruto. but of course, sasuke will be able to help. these soulmates need each other, even if naruto is being a lil bit of an ass to sasuke atm, haha.
> 
> again, we'll see more of naruto's POV and further explanations of where his head (and heart) is at, so do not fret. 
> 
> chapters might slow down for a while bc i'm pretty busy with school and moving into my new apartment, but i'll try to update next week!!
> 
> feedback, kudos, all that jazz!! :)


	6. Don’t talk about Sasuke that way.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _What is Sasuke to you?_
> 
> The question echoed inside his head. What was Sasuke to him? For as long as Naruto could remember, Sasuke had always been his rival. Then his teammate. They’d been comrades, until finally…
> 
> “He’s my friend.”
> 
> And he was. Even after everything. Even after Naruto was practically brimming with fury and heartbreak and pain. Sasuke was still his friend.
> 
> He would always be his friend, no matter what.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hiiii there. can i first say i was so blown away by last chapter's feedback. i hadn't expected so many ppl to feel sad for Gaara but yup i get it bc i'm there as well haha :( thank u thank u thank u for those comments, it truly pushes me to keep on writing and just makes me so darn happy, so thanks :)
> 
> i'm so sorry this chapter took two weeks. i've had the craziest time. i was busy with school and moving into my new apartment, and then my puppy Shisui was hospitalized for a few days. i almost lost him, so it was a really scary time. i was too emotionally exhausted to write. but my fur baby is finally home and safe, so cheers to that! i couldn't ask for anything better :)))
> 
> on top of that, i was stressed over my country's elections and the US elections as well, since my country's affected by both. although i was letdown by my country's elections, i still have high hopes for the US!!! so to all of those in the US reading this during these stressful times, hang in there, have faith, hate won't win again, it just can't and it won't. 
> 
> with that being said, enjoy another naruto pov chapter.
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.

**Chapter Six**

After Gaara left, Naruto stepped into the shower, itching to wipe himself clean of his sweat. He had a meeting with Kakashi in an hour, so he figured he had enough time for a long one before he had to leave, especially since he wanted some time to go over his thoughts. 

The second the hot water hit his back Naruto instantly felt himself deflate. He felt exhausted, both physically and mentally. It bothered him to admit how much Sasuke’s presence had taken a toll on him. Now with Gaara deciding to push back the wedding out of evident insecurities, Naruto felt himself on the brink of emotional collapse. He couldn’t even blame Gaara for having second thoughts about their engagement. If he were in Gaara’s shoes, he’d feel the same.

The worst part was that he truly didn’t know how to fix the situation. He couldn’t spend all his days in Suna trying to convince Gaara that he no longer had feelings for Sasuke, so what could he do?

Right now, he didn’t even want to see Sasuke. Naruto still felt so angry at him. Even though, from a logical standpoint, Naruto knew it wasn’t directly Sasuke’s fault that Gaara had pushed the wedding back, it was clear that if Sasuke hadn’t shown up in Konoha this never would’ve happened, so yes, a small, irrational voice inside of Naruto’s head wanted to pin the blame on Sasuke. Naruto just felt like, no matter what, Sasuke always found a way to throw Naruto’s plans to shit.

But of course, an even louder voice told Naruto that everything was his fault, not Sasuke’s.

With a sigh, he shook himself out of his thoughts and finished his shower. He’d better hurry up if he didn’t want to be late. That was always Kakashi’s specialty, not his.

After dressing up in his jounin uniform, he tied his hitai-ate in the form of a bandana with the leaf village symbol facing forward. He tended to wear it this way whenever he wore his jounin uniform. It helped tame his hair now that it’d gotten longer than he was used to.

When he stepped out of his apartment and began his walk to the Hokage tower, the villagers called out greetings and directed smiles his way. Naruto returned them, not completely whole heartedly, but it’s not like the villagers noticed. They’d never paid attention to Naruto before the war, so they didn’t know what he looked like when he wasn’t faking his happiness.

As he walked past Ichiraku Ramen, a familiar voice called out, “Hey, Naruto!”

When he turned, he spotted Shikamaru smiling lazily at him, beckoning him to come over. Next to him was Temari. Almost immediately, Naruto felt himself stiffen.

Still, he walked over with a small smile, greeting Teuchi first with a wave before stopping in front of Shikamaru and Temari.

“Where are you headed?” Shikamaru asked, sounding bored like he usually did, but his eyes were alert, like he was hanging off every word that Naruto said.

He thought it was weird but didn’t comment on it. “I got a meeting with Kakashi. We’re going over Hokage stuff, you know, the usual.” _Lie_.

Shikamaru scratched his chin absentmindedly, murmuring, “Is that so?”

“Yep!” Naruto gave him his biggest smile, even if it was in vain. Shikamaru had always been too attentive to everybody around him. “I’m surprised you’re not over there working. Did you sneak out for a date?”

He winked at them, nudging Temari with his elbow, but she merely looked at him with a pinched expression. Naruto’s smile fell slightly as Shikamaru replied, “Nah, I’m on my lunch break.”

Naruto nodded at him before switching his gaze back to the blonde, “Hey, Temari. I didn’t know you were back in Konoha.”

“I arrived a few hours ago with Gaara. Did my brother leave already?” Her voice sounded off, like she was upset at Naruto over something, but he couldn’t figure out why. Then it hit him.

Temari had gone back to Suna almost a week ago. It was possible she could’ve bumped into Sasuke on her way there or caught sight of him. Which meant…

“He did.” This time Naruto let his grin drop completely from his face. “Thanks for letting him know about Sasuke. It’s not like it was any of your business or whatever, but yeah, thanks.”

Temari startled for a second before her eyes were clouded with rage.

Even Shikamaru straightened up, no longer holding that indifferent expression. “Naruto, chill out.”

“It is my business, actually, because Gaara’s my little brother and he had a right to know,” Temari sneered, pursing her lips and crossing her arms across her chest.

“A right to know what?” Naruto was aware that people were staring but he couldn’t bother enough to care. His hands were closed up in fists by his side and he was having trouble controlling his anger. If Temari hadn’t ran off to tell Gaara about Sasuke before Naruto got the chance, Gaara wouldn’t have thought Naruto kept it a secret on purpose. “That a Konoha shinobi returned to his village?”

“Sure, if you can even call him that,” Temari spat out the words with so much hate that Naruto suddenly saw red.

The instinct to defend Sasuke hit Naruto like a tidal wave. It was as if the feeling had been dormant for the past two years, until now where it was stirring inside of Naruto, clawing its way out to the surface. Visibly shaking, Naruto gritted through his teeth, “ _Don’t_ talk about Sasuke that way.”

There was a wicked glint in Temari’s eyes when they narrowed in on Naruto, “Silly me. I forgot no one can utter a single negative word about Sasuke around you. I wonder if you’d react the same way if it were Gaara!”

Shikamaru stood up and wedged himself between Naruto and Temari. He tried placing a hand on Naruto’s shoulder to calm him down, but he shrugged it off roughly with a, “Don’t touch me!”

“You both need to stop this right now,” his voice was calm, but threatening. To Naruto, he whispered, “This isn’t a good look for the future Hokage, Naruto. You seriously need to cool down.”

At the mention of Hokage, something in Naruto snapped. He took a step backwards, breathing in and out shakily, and said loud enough for the eavesdroppers to hear, “Regardless of what you feel towards Sasuke, he’s a fellow Shinobi, a fine one at that, who helped saved the world. Without him, we wouldn’t have won the war. Show a little respect.”

Peering over Shikamaru’s shoulder, he looked at Temari dead in the eyes and spoke in a chilling tone, “I don’t care what you think about me. Gaara knows how precious he is to me and that’s enough for me.”

He spun on his heels and walked out of the shop before Temari could reply. There were so many different emotions swirling inside of Naruto, but, like usual, anger dominated over them.

He felt angry at Temari for insinuating that Naruto didn’t care about Gaara. Angry that she’d dared to badmouth Sasuke after everything he’d done to prove himself loyal to Konoha.

Angry at himself for giving in to his natural tendency of standing up for Sasuke to the entire world.

Angry for being such a hypocrite, because hadn’t he been thinking similar thoughts about Sasuke a few hours before? Hadn’t he thrown similar words to Sasuke’s face a few nights ago?

But to hear those words coming out of somebody else’s mouth and not Naruto’s mind had sparked a blazing fire inside of him that he still hadn’t been able to put out, even though he was almost nearing the Hokage Tower. Hearing somebody else still talk that way about Sasuke… it made Naruto sick.

How could they think that way when Sasuke had ended up returning to aid them during the war? When he’d been one of the reasons the world had been saved?

How could they still judge him when the only one to blame for Sasuke leaving in the first place was the village itself? If the Third Hokage hadn’t turned a blind eye to Danzō’s crimes or if he’d found a better alternative to make peace with the Uchiha Clan, Itachi – who’d been just a _child_ – wouldn’t have been forced to slaughter his clan. Sasuke would’ve never had to live with the burden and trauma of being the sole survivor of a genocide.

Sasuke hadn’t asked for anything of what happened to him. All he wanted was his revenge, but nobody had wanted to help him. Not the Hokage. Not Kakashi.

_Not even me…_

So Sasuke had left and killed his brother without realizing that the object of his revenge had been under his nose the entire time. Had been in his village. In his _home_. Sasuke had only had to walk across the village to find the true culprit of his clan’s massacre.

Gods, what a twisted joke.

Could Naruto blame Sasuke for leaving in the first place?

No. Naruto would’ve done the same.

Could he blame Sasuke for leaving again?

 _No_ … Naruto really couldn’t.

The realization made him freeze in his tracks, and it was only then that he noticed he was already at Kakashi’s office door. His hand had been ready to knock, but now it remained unmoving.

Because no, Naruto really couldn’t. He really couldn’t blame Sasuke. Not for leaving and not for leaving Naruto behind. There was so much more to Sasuke’s pain than Naruto could ever understand. Perhaps it wouldn’t have done Sasuke any good to bring Naruto with him.

Perhaps, just like Naruto had needed somebody to stand by his side, Sasuke had needed the opposite. He needed to be alone, but not lonely, not anymore, because unlike the previous years he’d spent on his quest for revenge emotionally isolated from the world, Sasuke now knew he had a home and Naruto waiting for him. He could heal on his own time and then return.

 _Fuck_.

Naruto felt like an asshole. He’d said such terrible things to Sasuke, unwilling to listen to him, unwilling to understand, blinded by his own anger and pain and inner turmoil. He’d taken it all out on Sasuke and that hadn’t been fair. Because although Naruto still had every right in the world to be hurt that his best friend hadn’t been there for him in his time of need, Naruto should’ve still been able to accept and respect Sasuke’s needs.

The realization didn’t fix anything; he still felt bitter towards Sasuke, but it did ease some weight off his shoulders. It released some of the anger that clouded Naruto’s heart. He could almost breathe a little lighter now.

He still had a long way to go before fixing his broken friendship with Sasuke, but at least now it didn’t feel impossible to fix. Maybe, just maybe, there was still hope left.

And to think that, it’d all been thanks to Temari and her hothead, protective attitude.

The door suddenly sprang open and Naruto was met with the sight of his sensei. “Oh, Naruto, I was just on my way to look for you,” Kakashi said, eyes scrunching up.

Naruto gave him a sheepish look. “Ah, sorry about that, Kakashi-sensei. I had to deal with… something, so I got a bit held up.”

Kakashi stepped aside to let Naruto into his office, closing the door behind him. “Mmm, anything important?”

“Not really,” Naruto mumbled as Kakashi took a seat behind his desk. Naruto stood in front of him, already being assaulted by the feeling of discomfort he’d come to associate with the Hokage office lately.

Kakashi eyed him for a moment, but then shrugged. “If you say so. I called you here so we could discuss your looming matrimony.”

Why did Kakashi have to talk about it in such an ominous tone?

“What about it?” Naruto fidgeted on his feet. He wasn’t looking forward to telling the grey-haired ninja that his wedding was now about to take place in two months rather than two weeks. Kakashi hadn’t been entirely enthusiastic about the entire thing when Naruto had disclosed the information to him. Naruto wasn’t sure if it was because he was getting married, because it was _Gaara_ he was marrying or because he didn’t want to be Hokage anymore.

Probably all of the above.

“You haven’t told Iruka yet.”

“Oh.”

That’s not what Naruto was expecting, although he should’ve, since Kakashi and Iruka were… a thing now. Naruto still got shivers every time he about it too hard. He still didn’t understand where that relationship had come from, but they both seemed happy. Iruka deserved a companion and so did Kakashi, especially after all the emotional shit he’d gone through during the war.

Ironically, the war had ended up putting Kakashi’s demons to bed. To Naruto, it had woken them all up.

“What is it? Were you expecting something else?” Kakashi inquired, a small trace of mirth inside his eyes.

He had been. He thought Kakashi was going to mention S–

“Did you think I was going to talk to you about Sasuke?”

 _Bingo_.

Naruto didn’t try to deny it. “Yeah, I sorta did…” he trailed off, chewing on his bottom lip. “Have you seen him?”

“Yes.” Kakashi didn’t reveal anything else, clearly expecting Naruto to ask if he wanted to know anything specific. Damn him.

“Oh, that’s, um, cool, I guess, I- I saw him too.”

“Did you?” Kakashi raised an eyebrow, settling his elbows on his desk to place his face between his hands. “I think he might’ve mentioned something like that.”

“Really?” Naruto’s shock shone through his tone. He hadn’t expected Sasuke to volunteer that – or any, honestly – information willingly, especially to Kakashi. Then again, Naruto didn’t really know Sasuke anymore. It left him feeling oddly hollow in his chest. “What did he say?”

“Let me see if I remember…” His slim finger tapped his cheek as he hummed under his breath, but Naruto didn’t buy his act for a second. His ex-sensei was simply pulling his leg. “Ah, yes!” Kakashi’s eyes suddenly locked on Naruto, sucking in the lighthearted air and leaving an abundance of tension in its place. “Something about how you told him to leave Konoha and never come back?” Naruto gulped. “Of course, I found that very hard to believe, considering he was talking about the same twerp that pestered me insistently to build Sasuke a house. Surely it must’ve been a case of miscommunication, hmm?”

Even though Naruto was nearly twenty and Kakashi was no longer his teacher, there was no way of fighting the shame that spread through Naruto’s body, setting his skin on fire as it went. He’d hated this feeling when he was twelve and he still hated it now. Disappointing Kakashi had never been one of Naruto’s goals, quite the opposite, obviously.

“Kakashi-sensei–” Naruto started, but was stopped by a wave of Kakashi’s hand.

The Hokage suddenly looked ages older as he regarded Naruto with an almost solemn expression. “I’m not going to lecture, just like I didn’t lecture Sasuke. You’re both justified to your own feelings and actions.”

There was a pause.

“But–” Naruto’s groan interrupted Kakashi, his shoulders slumping, but Kakashi paid no mind, “I can’t in good faith not give my two cents.”

Reluctantly nodding, Naruto smothered down a grimace.

“I know you were hurt because Sasuke left the village.”

Naruto’s cheeks flamed once again, lips curved down in a slight frown, head turned to the side to avoid meeting Kakashi’s eyes. He stuttered, “I-It wasn’t just that, it was more- he just- _agh_ , he left me. Again. I needed him.”

It embarrassed him to admit it to Kakashi, but the words were already out.

“What about what Sasuke needed? Did that not matter?”

At that, Naruto’s head whipped back forward, eyes wide as he spluttered out, “Of course! But I just…” The sigh that swept out of his mouth was one of pain. “He should’ve told me what he needed.”

Kakashi’s head cocked to the side. “You should’ve as well.”

With his jaw clenched shut in frustration, Naruto scowled, looking down at his pants to tug at a loose string.

This _definitely_ felt like a lecture.

Naruto didn’t say anything back, so Kakashi broke the silence. “Naruto, do you know how lucky you are?”

“Lucky?”

When Naruto looked up to stare back at Kakashi, he was met with longing and regret in his eyes.

“Yes, lucky,” Kakashi said, letting out a rare puff of nervous breath. “I would’ve given anything to have Obito by my side. He was my best friend. All of my beliefs were shaped and influenced by him. After he died – the first time, I mean – I was never the same. Even now… I still wish he were here.”

Naruto had stood tall the second Obito’s name left Kakashi’s mouth. It was so rare to see his ex-sensei speak of the late Uchiha that whenever he did Naruto made sure to pay close attention. Despite having witnessed their interactions during the war and understood most of what happened to them all those years ago, Naruto had always remained curious about their friendship, about the extent of it.

“It’s different- I mean, _we’re_ different. Sasuke and I. We, erm…” He didn’t know how to finish his thought, his eyebrows furrowed together as Naruto struggled to find his words. Again, that old embarrassment was creeping back in. He didn’t have to look at himself to know his cheeks were a dusty pink color.

How to tell his ex-sensei that he’d been in love with Sasuke for almost all his life? That Sasuke was now claiming to love Naruto back, despite being too late?

To Naruto’s surprise, Kakashi snorted, eyes twinkling with a hint of sadness.

“I know what you mean, and that’s what I’m trying to tell you. I _understand_.”

What could he possibly mean by– Oh?

 _Oh_.

Once Kakashi saw that Naruto had read between the lines, he continued. “Naruto, you are very, very, very lucky. Sasuke is here. He’s not dead. You have time to fix your friendship. Were all those years spent chasing him in vain?”

“I’m engaged,” Naruto’s words came out weakly, the first thought that had popped into his head.

“And?” A grey-haired eyebrow quirked up. “Since when does that mean you can’t be friends with other people?”

“Agh, right, except Sasuke isn’t other people. He’s _Sasuke_.”

“What does that mean to you, Naruto? What is Sasuke to you?”

_What is Sasuke to you?_

The question echoed inside his head. What was Sasuke to him? For as long as Naruto could remember, Sasuke had always been his rival. Then his teammate. They’d been comrades, until finally…

“He’s my friend.”

And he was. Even after everything. Even after Naruto was practically brimming with fury and heartbreak and pain. Sasuke was still his friend.

He would always be his friend, no matter what.

Naruto repeated, this time choked up, “He’s my _friend_.”

It sounded as if Naruto was saying it more to himself than to Kakashi.

Noticing this, Kakashi nodded, smiling as he pushed himself back to lean in his chair, hands moving to rest at the back of his head.

“Talk to him. Hear him out. I’m sure you both have things to get off your chests.” Black eyes suddenly shot him an unamused look, accompanied by an exasperated sigh. “And when I say talk, I mean _talk_ , Naruto. Don’t go off and destroy another training ground.”

Shit, word travelled fast. It’d only been a few hours since Naruto had let out his frustrations and already Kakashi knew.

Naruto gave him his brightest, most apologetic smile, scratching at the back of his head sheepishly, “Wow, um, I guess you already heard about that, huh?”

Another deadpanned look reflected out of Kakashi’s gaze. Naruto took that as an answer and mumbled out an apology. When he made move to leave, Kakashi scolded him. “ _Uh-uh_ , where do you think you’re going? We’re not done yet.”

 _Damn it_ , Naruto cursed under his breath. He could’ve sworn he’d gotten out of having to talk about Iruka.

Turning back around, he licked his lips nervously. “I still have time to tell Iruka. Gaara, he, uh, he moved the wedding, so–”

“Did he?”

Was that glee that Naruto caught in Kakashi’s voice?

“Geez, you don’t have to sound so sad about it,” Naruto huffed sarcastically, rolling his eyes.

Now it was Kakashi’s turn to look sheepish. “Is it so wrong of me to want my most precious student to think longer before making such an important decision?”

“First of all, we all know your favorite has always been Sasuke. Don’t try to deny it, you porn obsessed old man.” Naruto ignored Kakashi’s indignant, _hey, I’m not that old!_ “Secondly, you’re just still hoping I’ll take over the Hokage position from you.”

A brief silence ensued, and Naruto wondered if it’d been too early to joke about the subject. Kakashi had been confused when Naruto had told him about his decision but hadn’t fought him much on it. Still, Naruto knew Kakashi didn’t quite understand it.

Naruto didn’t blame him. Nobody really knew what was going on inside his head these days.

“You’re still decided, then? You won’t be Hokage?”

“I’m marrying Gaara. I can’t be Hokage.”

It was easier to say he couldn’t rather than he didn’t want to.

“Yes, yes, I’m aware. Political ramifications and all that,” Kakashi muttered, his tone pensive. “But if you could, would you?”

Naruto’s eyes went wide. “Huh?”

“If you could marry Gaara and be Hokage as well, would you want to?”

The room suddenly felt hot, _too_ hot.

This was his chance. Naruto’s chance to tell Kakashi what he’s been dealing with. What he’s felt these last few years. The truth. This was his moment to confide in one of the few people Naruto had always looked up to for guidance.

Instead, he lied, “What kind of question is that? Of course, I’d want to, but I– I want Gaara more, y’know?”

Kakashi nodded in understanding, oblivious to the guilt that had rocked Naruto’s body, his heart threatening to beat out of his chest.

“I see,” Kakashi murmured and scratched at his mask, lost in thought. He suddenly realized Naruto was still standing across from him, waiting. “Oh, you can go, Naruto. We’ll discuss Iruka more another time. Try to come by for dinner this week, alright? He’d love to see you.”

“I’ll try, Kakashi-sensei!” Another lie slipped easily out of his lips.

Gods, he was such a coward.

He had to start fixing that, at least a little bit. He figured that apologizing to Sasuke was a good start.

Before Naruto slipped out of the office, Kakashi called out, “Say hello to Sasuke for me. Tell him he should expect a visit from his Anbu partner tonight.”

Mind-reading perv. How the hell Kakashi knew that Naruto was planning to go look for Sasuke was beyond him.

Instead of refuting him, Naruto gave him a thumbs up over his shoulder and closed the door behind him.

Standing in the hallway, he went over what Kakashi had just said to him.

Wait a second. Did h–

The door was slammed open once again, Naruto’s head popping in to direct shocked, huge eyes and raised eyebrows at Kakashi, “Hold on, did you say Anbu? Sasuke’s in _Anbu_?!”

Kakashi’s laugh boomed so loudly, it was likely it'd been heard all over the village.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, how was that? our boy is finally starting to let some of that anger go. i know nothing too exciting happened in this chapter but do not fret bc our idiots will see each other next chapter <333 (hopefully with no fighting, we'll see lmao) 
> 
> let me know your thoughts!!! it really helps me to know how you're all feeling about the story, if there's anything i can improve or should pay more attention to, etc. it also just makes me happy so ;)
> 
> stay safe everyone!!


	7. I don’t think he chose correctly.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Could his luck really be turning around?
> 
>  _Guess not_ , he thought, at the surge of chakra that suddenly buzzed behind him. In a span of a second, Sasuke had spun around, leaped off his veranda and had his kunai pressed into the throat of his new threat, who in retaliation had theirs digging into Sasuke’s abdomen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hiiiii. i just want to thank u all again for ur support, love, kudos, comments, everything!!! i can't explain how much joy i feel knowing there are people out there who enjoy my fic so thank you :)))
> 
> this chapter is dedicated to [Stabber](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stabber/pseuds/Stabber) for the amazing, totally unworthy shoutout on tumblr. legit screamed when i saw it, my serotonin levels went through THE ROOF so thank you sm, u are truly one of a kind and deserve all the happiness in the world <333
> 
> i hope u all enjoy this chapter!! we're back to my mans pov ;) AND taking a break from the angst (only for a while) bc the boys finally talk instead of yelling at each other (naruto i’m looking at u) lmao
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.

**Chapter Seven**

Sasuke had only spent two hours inside his house – which still felt incredibly weird to say – and already it felt suffocating. It was to be expected. Most people would argue that the last time he’d had a home he was thirteen. To Sasuke it wasn’t true. The only walls that had ever felt like a real home to him were the ones currently crumbled to the ground somewhere in the compound.

He’d been seven the last time he’d felt the warmth and safety of a home.

Now he was standing inside this house, _his_ house, but it felt wrong. He didn’t know what it was. It was nicely decorated with nothing too fancy. It was located in the Uchiha compound, far away from the prying, judgmental eyes of the villagers.

On paper, it was perfect for Sasuke, except it wasn’t.

At least not yet.

He shrugged to himself. There was no need to get ahead of himself. Surely, he wasn’t the first person to feel uneasy in a new residence. It’d take time to get used to it. He shouldn’t rush things.

It’d be fine. It had to be.

Perhaps the house just needed a hint of life. He could always start a garden in his backyard…

That was how he found himself, almost an hour later, spilling all the necessary items to begin a garden on his living room table. The trip to the shop had been annoying, what with Sasuke having no clue where to go since the village had been completely rebuilt. On top of that, he’d been cautiously observed by the villagers with every step he took, which hadn’t helped either. Luckily, he found the shop soon enough without too much of a hassle.

Looking down at the mess scattered on the table, he didn’t even have a clue where to start. He had no knowledge of gardening, only hazy, painful memories of watching his mother tend to hers.

Naruto would probably know what to do. Gardening seemed like an activity he’d enjoy, right?

Wasn’t he (sorta) friends with Ino? Didn’t her parents own a flower shop? He’d have to go over to her apartment and ask Sakura, since he wasn’t sure if Ino was back from her mission yet.

A knock at his door startled him. For a second, he froze, like he’d been caught committing an unspeakable crime.

The thought almost made him laugh. He was sure many villagers would think that Uchiha Sasuke starting a garden was a crime. To them, he shouldn’t be allowed to do anything. He’d be lying if he said it didn’t amuse him.

When another polite knock rung out in the house, Sasuke sighed and made his way to the front door. If someone was knocking _gently_ at his door, it definitely wasn’t Naruto, so he really wasn’t interested in seeing who was standing outside, waiting to be let in – unless it was Sakura, maybe Ino.

Unfortunately, neither kunoichi greeted Sasuke. Instead, it was the pale – paler than Sasuke, which was saying a lot – artistic shinobi who’d once been his replacement on Team 7, smiling eerily at him with a pinched expression.

Sai.

Great.

Before Sasuke managed to slam the door in his face, Sai had a foot wedged between it. “According to my extensive research, it is custom to greet and invite in your guest.”

“You’d have to be my guest for that to apply to you,” Sasuke glared, trying not to show too much of his annoyance, but utterly failing anyways. “What are you doing here? Are you lost?”

The same, chilling smile. “Not at all. I was sent by the Rokudaime. May I come in?”

Sasuke blinked, wondering why in the hell would Kakashi send Sai, out of all people, to Sasuke’s. Reluctantly, he pushed open the door wide enough for Sai to be able to step in, then gave him a pointed look. Sai – for once – read the social cue and walked past Sasuke into his home, their shoulders brushing tightly.

When Sasuke closed the door behind him, it hit him. He froze. No. It couldn’t be. Was Sai–

“Please don’t tell me Kakashi assigned me as your partner.”

Sai had walked over to his living room and was staring intently at the pile of tools spilling over Sasuke’s table. He ignored Sasuke’s question as he asked, “What’s all this for?”

He felt oddly embarrassed – not that he’d ever admit it though. Instead, he crossed his arms across his chest with a nonchalant expression on his face, “Thinking about starting a garden.”

Sai hummed. “Looks more like you’ve already decided to start one.” He turned around to face Sasuke, looking slightly confused, “Although, you don’t have any seeds?”

Sasuke’s cool façade dropped, muttering, “Damn it,” under his breath and running a hand through his hair. He knew he’d forgotten something! What an idiot.

Naruto would laugh in his face if he knew.

The urge to smile tugged at his mouth, but he fought it, instead frowning at Sai who looked like he was trying not to laugh at him. “I can get you some, if you’d like?”

…. Why was he being so strangely nice to Sasuke? Last time they’d met, it was clear that neither of them liked each other.

“What do you know about seeds?”

“Probably more than you,” Sai said calmly. “Ino has taught me plenty. I’ll be right back.”

“Hold on–” Sasuke tried to interject, but the peculiar man was already closing the door behind him.

Sasuke simply stared at his retreating figure before shaking his head slightly.

Curiouser and curiouser.

When Sai returned with black-eyed Susans seeds because, _I had a feeling you’d like something yellow_ , Sasuke didn’t even fight him on it, already aware that his love for Naruto was common knowledge to everyone – except to Naruto, of course, _the oblivious idiot_.

Together, they grabbed Sasuke’s tools and stepped out onto the veranda that overlooked Sasuke’s backyard, the perfect land to start a garden.

For a second, he felt extremely overwhelmed, knowing he was way over his head with this garden idea. He didn’t know where to start. He’d even forgotten to buy seeds in the first place!

But Sai – surprising Sasuke more and more with each passing second – apparently knew exactly where to begin, almost gracefully stepping down from the veranda and landing on the green, fresh grass.

He handed the watering can to Sasuke, “Go fill this up while I start working on the garden beds. You should change into something you don’t mind getting dirty.”

Sasuke nodded slowly, having trouble sending any words to his mouth. When he returned with the watering can full and dressed in one of his old, sleeveless shirts he used to train in, Sai was already covered in dirt.

Wordlessly, he dropped next to the Sai on the ground, watching him work for a few minutes until he was able to mimic his actions.

It was almost forty minutes later when Sasuke, leaning back on his legs and wiping his forehead with his forearm, asked awkwardly, “Have you done this before?”

Sai looked up at him with a small smile, this one much genuine than the one he wore when he first walked in, “Yes, I have.”

He didn’t give any more details, so Sasuke didn’t pry, rather inquiring, “So is this supposed to be some type of Anbu partner bonding? Is that why Kakashi sent you?”

“Mm, you’re half right, I suppose.” Sai dropped the trowel briefly to wipe his hands on his knees. “I’m not your partner, but I think we _are_ meant to bond. The Rokudaime isn’t as discreet as he believes he is.”

Sasuke startled at that. This entire time he could’ve sworn Sai was his new partner.

If it wasn’t Sai, then who the hell was it?

“Then what excuse did he send you with over here?”

“I was meant to come over and give you your Anbu tattoo.”

“What?” Sasuke snapped. There was no way he was permanently binding himself to Konoha with a tattoo. No fucking way.

“I expected that reaction, which is why I didn’t bring it up until now. I think the Rokudaime did as well, so settle down.” Sai’s eyes were locked on Sasuke’s hands that were currently digging his nails almost painfully into his knees. Sasuke realized this and quickly lessened his grip, feeling his shoulders relax. “Like I said, I think we’re meant to be bonding instead.”

Sasuke side-eyed him. “Why in the hell would I want to bond with you?”

“Maybe he thinks you could use a friend here,” Sai shrugged before returning his focus back to the garden beds.

“And he thought of you?” Sasuke scoffed, looking away to chew on his lip. “Besides, I already have friends here,” he added quietly, thinking about Sakura and Ino.

_What the hell? Did I really just consider Sakura and Ino my friends?_

Sakura would probably burst into happy tears if she knew. The blonde kunoichi would laugh in his face before pinching his cheeks or doing anything else equally annoying.

“Perhaps I’m meant to talk to you about Naruto then,” the brown-haired man said casually, digging at the soil with the trowel.

An uncomfortable feeling settled in his body. “What about Naruto?”

“You like him.”

Sasuke paused.

_Sai definitely didn’t beat around the bush._

He hated that he could feel a blush creep up on his skin. He hoped that, if Sai caught it, he’d think it was because of the sun. When Sasuke didn’t say anything, Sai stared up at him through his eyelashes, “It’s alright. I like him too.”

Sasuke blinked rapidly. Did Sai just-

“Don’t fret. I’m no competition.”

He didn’t sound the least upset about it. In fact, he sounded convinced, like he was stating the most known fact to mankind.

It was this observation that didn’t immediately send Sasuke into defensive mode.

“He didn’t choose me, Sasuke,” Sai continued, returning his full attention to Sasuke, “but he didn’t choose you either. He chose Gaara.”

Sasuke bristled that, a fresh swell of rage rising in him. “Is that why you came? To rub it in my face that Naruto is engaged to somebody else? Get the fuck out of my house,” Sasuke demanded through clenched teeth.

Screw Sai. He didn’t need any help with his garden.

Instead of fighting Sasuke back or following his order, the pale man simply suspired, completely unfazed. “You need to rein in that temper of yours and let me finish speaking.”

Sasuke’s irritation continued to flare inside him, but he raised an eyebrow at Sai, beckoning him to continue.

“I don’t think he chose correctly,” Sai confessed, looking slightly surprised at himself for admitting so. Sasuke was aware he was mirroring Sai’s sentiment.

“At first, I thought he did, since I didn’t think you were right for him.” Sasuke opened his mouth to tell him off, but Sai plowed on, “But Naruto is different. He’s been different for a long time. In the beginning, Gaara appeared to be helping him, but it stopped seeming that way over a year ago. I don’t think he knows how to help Naruto, at least not anymore. No one does.” Sai took in a slow breath, “But I think you do, Sasuke.”

_Me?_

“I…” Sasuke trailed off, eyebrows drawn in together. He felt a boiling hot liquid of anger simmering through his veins, thinking about Naruto’s troubles, knowing the blond had been suffering for so long in silence.

How was it possible that everybody knew yet nobody had been able to help him? Had Naruto fallen so deep in his despair that not even his closest friends in Konoha had been able to pull him out? Not even his fiancé?

But hearing Sai – out of all people – have faith in Sasuke’s ability to guide Naruto out of the darkness made him ache with pride and determination.

Sai was right. If anybody could help Naruto, it was him.

Hadn’t Naruto once declared he’d shouldered the burden of Sasuke’s hatred? Sasuke was more than willing to do the same for Naruto.

“Hey, Sasuke, are you out her– Woah, what? Did I just walk into an alternate universe?”

Both men on the ground snapped their heads in direction to the voice. They were met with the sight of wide, confused blue eyes.

Instantly, Sasuke’s heart slammed against his ribcage.

_Naruto._

He was in his jounin uniform, which looked unfairly attractive on him, especially now that Naruto was significantly stronger. His hair was tamed under a makeshift bandana with his hitai-ate, but there were a couple of bangs that were spilling out from the sides. He looked... breathtaking. 

The blond blinked, rubbed his eyes with his fists and then blinked again. “Holy shit, this is real! You two are together, not killing each other, and… gardening? Oh man!” Naruto’s loud, bright laugh rung out around them, joining in the melody of the wind rustling the leaves on the trees and the birds chirping on the branches. “What in the _hell_?”

Sasuke remained still, feeling warmth spread throughout his entire body at finally listening to his favorite sound. Naruto’s laugh. It sounded even better than in his dreams.

Sai looked bewildered at the sound of it, until his face slowly bloomed into a warm, small smile, the first real smile Sasuke had seen on him.

Instead of feeling jealous, Sasuke understood. More than anybody, he understood.

Naruto just had a way of making everyone fall at least a little bit in love with him.

He was the sun and they were the planets orbiting around him by gravity, with no say in the matter.

“I was just leaving actually, but it’s nice to see you happy, Naruto. It’s been too long.”

Naruto’s laugh died down slowly, and for a second Sasuke contemplated pummeling Sai with his chidori, the electricity already sizzling in his fingers, for pointing out the obvious, but he turned to Sasuke and whispered discreetly, “Think about what I said.”

After Sai left, Naruto hovered awkwardly on the veranda before dropping down to sit on the edge.

Sasuke had a hundred questions running through his head. What was Naruto doing here? Did Kakashi send him as well? Was he here to yell some more at Sasuke? Demand why he hadn’t left town yet? Kick him out of his own house?

There were so many possibilities and yet Naruto just sat there, looking… anxious. His hands were clasped together on his lap and his eyes were roaming around the backyard. Sasuke noted he wasn’t wearing any shoes, meaning he’d taken them off when he walked in. It was something so uncharacteristically of Naruto that it made his heart pinch slightly. Naruto wasn’t the same clueless boy he used to know. He was growing into a man right before Sasuke’s eyes and he didn’t want to miss a single second of it anymore.

“Since when do you garden?” Naruto started, tone light and smiling nervously, timidly at Sasuke. He almost looked bashful.

“Since a few hours ago,” Sasuke answered truthfully with a shrug. His palms were sweating in reaction to Naruto’s appearance. Thankfully, the blond had no way of knowing.

A blonde eyebrow shot up, “And Sai? Can’t believe I walked in on you two being so domestic.”

“Tch. That was Kakashi’s doing.”

“Kakashi-sensei sent him here? Why– Hold on! Is he your new Anbu partner?”

Sasuke shook his head, “No, of course not.”

“Hey! Sai isn’t it so bad. He’s a great friend. He was helping you with your garden, wasn’t he?”

A small voice inside Sasuke’s head agreed, but he wasn’t ready to face that particular feeling just yet, so he simply replied, “Hn,” with a quirk of his lips.

Naruto grinned at that, his eyes shining with an old, familiar glitter before they dimmed unexpectedly. Sasuke didn’t know what to make of that, so he merely waited for Naruto to speak next. After all, he was the one that had shown up to Sasuke’s house with no prior warning.

“So,” Naruto started, his mouth twisted together, “I take it Kakashi told you about the house.” He gestured halfheartedly at their surroundings before dropping his hands back to his lap.

“Yes, he did.” Sasuke hesitated before saying, “Thank you, Naruto. I… like it. It was nice of you.”

He perked up just a tad, “Yeah? That’s good. I told Kakashi-sensei to build it traditionally since I figured you, um, would appreciate it more, I guess.”

Sasuke fought a smile, “I did. It reminds me of my old home.” He rubbed his nose, unknowingly spreading dirt on it.

“I was hoping it would…” Naruto trailed off, biting his lip, before he looked at Sasuke and broke into a grin. “You got dirt on your nose, Teme.”

_Teme. He called me Teme._

With a shaky hand, Sasuke quickly batted the dirt off and turned away from Naruto hide the flush in his cheeks. He pretended to be busy with his garden beds.

“What brings you here, Naruto?” He tried to sound as aloof as he could and hoped he’d succeeded. Over his shoulder, he said quieter, “I didn’t think you’d want to see me.”

There was a beat of silence and then a sigh. “If I’m being honest, I didn’t, not until a few hours ago.”

Well, that stung. At least he was being honest.

“What changed?”

“I–I was reminded that… that we’re friends, Sasuke.” He froze, no longer being able to pretend he wasn’t hanging off of every word that Naruto was saying. “I shouldn’t have said some of the things I said to you. You don’t have to leave Konoha. Not unless you want to and definitely not because of me. This is your home.”

 _You’re wrong, it’s not_ , he wanted to say. _You are._

Instead he said, “Don’t apologize, Naruto. You had every right in the world to feel angry–”

“No, that’s the thing,” Naruto interrupted him, “I realized that I didn't. You had your reasons for leaving. You didn’t owe me anything.”

Sasuke finally turned back around stiffly. Naruto was staring at him with a torn expression.

“Do you even know my reasons? Because I–”

“Sasuke, look, erm, sorry for interrupting you again, um, but could we maybe talk more about this another time? It’s been a long, exhausting day and I just,” there was clear anguish in those blue eyes of his, “I’m too emotionally drained. I just wanted to come over and apologize for, uh, being a dick basically.”

Sasuke wanted to push, but the blond wasn’t lying, he did look like he’d been through the ringer. So, he nodded, choosing to let the topic go for the moment. With Naruto apologizing – even though Sasuke still felt like their problems were _very very very_ far away from being resolved – it meant they could maybe, hopefully, quite possibly be able to have a civil conversation. “What happened? Do you want to talk about it?”

Naruto’s face turned beet red as he sucked in his cheeks. The mood turned gloomy and Sasuke was instantly on alert. If someone had hurt Naruto, there’d be hell to pay.

“I feel kinda weird talking to you about it…”

“Why? It’s just me, Dobe.”

There was a ghost of a smile on Naruto’s lips before it was replaced again with a frown. “Well, because it’s about Gaara.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah…”

Of course, Naruto was upset over Gaara. Sasuke felt like he’d been thrown to the ground and kicked in the stomach, but years of training to hide his feelings helped him conceal it. In a cool, neutral tone, he said, “You can still talk to me. We’re… friends, right?”

Naruto nodded slightly, but there was still hesitation on his face. The blond had always been too easy to read. Clearly it had something to do with him, which was why Naruto was holding back.

With a sigh, Sasuke dropped his tool and stood up, walking over to the veranda and taking a seat next to Naruto. For a second, Sasuke caught Naruto tense slightly at their proximity, before he seemingly relaxed, now picking at a string on his dark pants.

“Is it because of me?”

Naruto’s head snapped in his direction, looking like he’d been busted.

_Bingo._

Another shaky nod came out of Naruto, “Hmm, partly.”

“Partly?”

Being this close to Naruto was dangerous. From here he caught a whiff of Naruto’s natural scent: a mixture of fresh melons, musk and sheer wood. He’d spent years trying to pinpoint its components, wondering why it smelled _so fucking good_ to him. But of course, at twelve years old, he hadn’t realized that it wasn’t because he was attracted to Naruto’s aroma but rather to Naruto himself.

Oddly enough, the scent took him back to their final fight at the Valley of the End when he was lying down next to Naruto – both beaten to a pulp, exhausted after fighting nonstop for _days_ , on the brink of death – with the smell of sweat and blood and tears mingling in the air. In that moment, he’d realized he hadn’t wanted anything else but to drag his face down Naruto’s to his neck and stay there until he slipped away into nothingness. 

Snapping back to reality, he tried to mask the strong tremors that shook his body at just thinking about the depth of his feelings for Naruto and closed his eyes.

Fire roared across his skin when he felt Naruto’s intent eyes on him, but he remained with his eyes shut. If he looked into those blue eyes of Naruto again, he didn’t know what he’d do.

“Gaara decided he wants to push our wedding date back.”

It took every ounce of strength Sasuke had to not physically react to those words. He remained passive, head still tilted back, eyes closed and leaning back on his hands, but his nails discreetly dug into the wood of the veranda.

Next to him, Naruto exhaled, not sadly but more in a _whatcanyoudo_ sort of way.

 _Interesting_ … Sasuke thought.

“He’s worried about you being back, I guess… He thinks there are, uh, still unresolved feelings or whatever.”

Naruto sounded dismissive, like the mere thought was absolutely ridiculous to him. Sasuke wouldn’t lie, it hurt like a bitch, and he had to bite his tongue to stop himself from asking, _are there?_

Instead, he opened his eyes and faced Naruto sideways, finding him biting at the skin of his thumb, lost in thought, blue eyes glazed over. “I’m glad you came then because I have some things to say.”

Naruto tilted his head slightly and… _was that pity in his eyes?_

“Sasuke…”

“Wait, hear me out.” Sasuke lifted his head slightly with one hand raised in the air, “I want to apologize for everything I’ve said since I got back. Is there any way you can just forget about it? I want us…” Sasuke took a deep breath to prevent his voice from trembling, “… to be friends. Just like you said.”

Naruto simply blinked at him, eyebrows raised, and grimaced, “You want me to forget you said you loved me?”

Of course, he fucking didn’t. He didn’t even regret saying it in the first place – even if Naruto hadn’t wanted to hear it – and he didn’t want Naruto to think he did. But Sai’s words rung true inside Sasuke’s head.

Naruto needed Sasuke. He didn’t need love confessions or unnecessary problems when he clearly had enough on his plate. He needed a friend.

If Sasuke had to bury his love for Naruto, he’d do it. Only for Naruto. _Anything_ for Naruto. Always.

“I- yes, I suppose that’s what I’m asking, yes.”

Sasuke saw a flash of emotions in Naruto’s eyes: shock, confusion, anger, and then finally resignation.

He gave Sasuke his biggest smile and it cut at Sasuke’s heart, because Naruto’s biggest smile had always been his fake one. The one that didn’t quite reach his eyes, didn’t utterly fail at smothering down a giggle. The one that wasn’t soft around the edges but instead sharp and almost painful. It was the smile Naruto perfected years ago, the one Sasuke saw him wearing during their days at the Academy, and it’d irritated him. He’d wanted Naruto to be real, to stop pretending. He’d wanted to claw at Naruto’s armor and see what really lied beneath. Wanted to know how it felt to see Naruto’s real smile. Perhaps that had been Sasuke’s biggest mistake, because the moment he’d finally seen it he’d been a goner.

Before Sasuke could even begin to question why Naruto was faking, a hand clapping on his shoulder drew him away from his thoughts. Sasuke followed Naruto’s arm up to his face and was met with that stupid, phony smile, “Alright, friends it is, although don’t expect me to come over to plant some flowers with you.”

He accepted the extended olive branch for what it was, not wanting to push Naruto further. He had enough time to crack Naruto’s shell. For now, he’d be the friend Naruto deserved, even if it killed him to not be more.

“As if I’d ask you,” Sasuke sneered, with no real bite in his words. “You’d probably destroy this entire garden if you ever tried.” 

Naruto’s eyebrows reached his hairline as he puffed out an angry breath, “Excuse me? Is that a challenge?” When Sasuke shrugged, smirking in amusement at him, Naruto’s face visibly turned red. “I bet I’m ten times better than Sai at this gardening shit!”

“Uh-huh,” Sasuke hummed in disbelief. “I think I’ll stick with Sai actually.”

Naruto practically growled, “You wouldn’t.”

Sasuke looked at him unimpressed, “Idiot. I’m obviously kidding. Calm down.”

Naruto’s eyes widened, almost comically, then narrowed in, “You were making a joke?”

Sasuke snapped, turning completely towards Naruto in a quick manner, “Why does everybody keep reacting that way? I’m perfectly capable of having a sense of humor!”

He was suddenly aware of how ridiculous he must’ve looked, all agitated and flustered over his wounded pride. But Naruto let out a snicker that quickly turned into a full-on belly laugh.

He laughed a little too, under his breath, and smiled in a way he hadn’t done in a long time. So long that Sasuke didn’t even remember when it’d last been.

Eventually Naruto’s laugh died down into a quiet chuckle, blue eyes sparkling with delight, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to laugh at you. I just never thought I’d see the Uchiha Sasuke go out of his way to be funny. I mean, you’ve always been funny to me… But more in a dry, snide manner, you know?”

“I didn’t even ‘go out of my way’ so stop making it such a big deal!”

“Aw, I’m just messing with ya, Teme! No need to get your panties in a twist,” Naruto teased, leaning forward to flick Sasuke’s forehead. “Although, to be clear, your joke wasn’t funny. Your tantrum was.”

Sasuke rubbed at the spot Naruto had just hit. “Oi, shut up, that wasn’t a tantrum. Besides, I’m way funnier than you.”

Naruto was up on his feet in a flash, mouth hanging open in indignation, “I made everyone at the Academy laugh while you just sulked off in a corner!”

“Dobe, they were laughing at you, not with you.”

Naruto spluttered until he saw the playful smirk on Sasuke’s lips.

He rolled his eyes and mumbled sheepishly, “Bastard,” under his breath, loud enough for Sasuke to hear.

A half smile replaced Sasuke’s smirk. “See? You’re still you," he said, making reference to their conversation from a few nights ago.

He heard Naruto’s breath hitch and peered up at him to find a serious look on Naruto’s face, so extrinsic of him. Naruto had always been all smiles and laughter; anything else was foreign to Sasuke.

Looking thoughtful, he crossed his arms against his chest and said softly, “You seem to be the only one that thinks so.”

Sasuke simply shrugged and spoke matter-of-factly, “Well, I’ve always known you best.”

Naruto didn’t speak for a long time, looking towards the garden like it was the most interesting thing in the world.

Sasuke regretted saying anything in the first place. Of course, Naruto’s fiancé knew him best. Sasuke had been gone for two years. How dare he say that to Naruto? He had no right. He didn’t blame Naruto if he walked out of Sasuke’s house in the next five seconds–

“You’re right about that,” Naruto finally said, looking down at Sasuke. He bit his lip and then let out a sigh, sweeping his thumb under the front of his hitai-ate. “I should go. It’s getting late and you’re expecting someone anyways.”

“I am?” Sasuke’s voice came out slightly rough, still recovering from Naruto’s acceptance.

“Oh yeah!” Naruto slapped the palm of his hand on his forehead with a roll of his eyes. “I’m such an idiot. I was supposed to tell you that your Anbu partner’s coming over. I just forgot because when I walked in and saw Sai, I figured it was him, so…”

Sasuke couldn’t help but smirk at Naruto’s foolishness. He tried covering it with his hand, but Naruto spotted it before he could and scowled at him. “Ugh, shut up. I’m leaving!”

Before Naruto stepped back inside, Sasuke called out, “Hey, Naruto?”

The blond halted in the threshold with a hand on the wall next to his face. He looked over his shoulder with a raised eyebrow, “Yeah?”

“I’m sorry. About Gaara, I mean.”

Surprisingly, Naruto sent him a reassuring smile his way, “Don’t worry about it. Everything’s fine.” He closed his eyes briefly before opening them again and whispering, “Thanks for making me laugh.”

At that, Sasuke’s heart stopped beating.

Naruto disappeared inside the house without another glance or word. A few minutes later, Sasuke heard the sound of the front door closing.

For a moment, Sasuke felt like he was floating. Nothing felt real. Just this morning he’d agonize over Naruto, believing that he didn’t stand a chance in fixing their friendship. Now, he had a home and his friend back.

Could his luck really be turning around?

 _Guess not_ , he thought, at the surge of chakra that suddenly buzzed behind him. In a span of a second, Sasuke had spun around, leaped off his veranda and had his kunai pressed intensely into the throat of his new threat, who in retaliation had theirs digging into Sasuke’s abdomen.

A short giggle echoed in his ears and Sasuke blinked rapidly, taking in the appearance of the woman pushed up against him. “I see your reflexes are as fast as ever, Sasuke-kun.”

The woman retreated her kunai and took a step back. She was dressed in the typical Anbu uniform: black clothing, a grey flak jacket, and metal arm guards and gloves. Her spiral tattoo on her right shoulder almost glowed against her pale skin. The darkness of her long hair made it look almost purple. But what caught Sasuke’s attention was the porcelain mask covering her face.

It was a lion, with purple lines around the eyelids.

A delicate hand reached up and removed it to reveal soft, lavender eyes. Unique eyes that only belonged to one clan.

A sudden coldness hit at Sasuke’s core.

“Hinata.”

The kunoichi’s lips curled into a gentle smile, but there was an iciness to it that Sasuke didn’t remember ever seeing on her before.

“It’s been too long, partner.”

 _Partner_. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sasuke and sai gardening together was something i never thought i'd write but here we are LMAO. sasuke u lil shit just admit sai is growing on u at least a lilllll bit ;) also poor sai also likes naruto but like he said, he is DEF no competition haha
> 
> HINATAAAAAA. were any of you expecting that??? gotta warn u, hinata will be very ooc in this fic, but only bc i want to actually give her a personality instead of having her say "naruto-kun" every five secs lmao. 
> 
> please let me know what you thought!!! did u like that cute scene with sai and sasuke? do u see them being friends or no? were u surprised with the hinata reveal? did u think it was somebody else? 
> 
> also i've barely scratched the surface with naruto and sasuke. if u think everything is fine and dandy now, well, you're wrong... but at least i'm giving u guys a break from all the angst lol!! lmk what u thought of that as well. 
> 
> lastly, i will admit that i've hit a wall with this fic. i have the resolution and ending in my head, but there are some parts in the middle that i'm struggling with, so... if you have ANY ideas, things you'd like to see or don't want to see feel free to let me know!! i'd def appreciate it sm!! 
> 
> thanks for reading!! take care and stay safe everyone! <333

**Author's Note:**

> comments and kudos are very much appreciated!!!
> 
> Please come say hi at my [tumblr](https://moviekid826.tumblr.com/) or [twitter](https://twitter.com/_moviekidd826) :)))


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